![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
(no subject)
I'm spending most of my time lately just resisting the urge to curl up in a corner and cry about "Why doesn't anyone like me?"
I haven't talked to any of my old friends for two years; I have all of one current friend and she's not even in this geographic region right now. The person I love most in the world told me to stop calling her. I see my mom and my brother once a month for lunch and they spend basically the entire time talking to each other, usually about drugs and their significant others and all the way my brother's life is so hard, going to vo-tech for something he likes and living rent-free with a girl who loves him and only scraping up money to get high a couple times a month; at the end of the meal, I have to let him take any food I have left and Mom slips him some money and you know what? When I was living with a crazy woman who threatened me with violence, too broke to afford laundry detergent, let alone drugs, they were not nearly as concerned. In fact, he couldn't even be bothered to give me any of the $300+ he owed me. I have to spend my days at work suppressing my thoughts and feelings so I can deal with people I hate with cheerfulness and "respect" and even though there has never been anything offensive in my words and actions I keep getting lectured on my "tone" getting "curt" and.
I am miserable inside and no one seems to notice or care. I feel alone all the time. People just don't seem to find me particularly interesting or likeable, and nothing I try to do seems to change it. I hate my life and I feel trapped and everything sucks and I just want to stop being so unhappy and I can't.
I haven't talked to any of my old friends for two years; I have all of one current friend and she's not even in this geographic region right now. The person I love most in the world told me to stop calling her. I see my mom and my brother once a month for lunch and they spend basically the entire time talking to each other, usually about drugs and their significant others and all the way my brother's life is so hard, going to vo-tech for something he likes and living rent-free with a girl who loves him and only scraping up money to get high a couple times a month; at the end of the meal, I have to let him take any food I have left and Mom slips him some money and you know what? When I was living with a crazy woman who threatened me with violence, too broke to afford laundry detergent, let alone drugs, they were not nearly as concerned. In fact, he couldn't even be bothered to give me any of the $300+ he owed me. I have to spend my days at work suppressing my thoughts and feelings so I can deal with people I hate with cheerfulness and "respect" and even though there has never been anything offensive in my words and actions I keep getting lectured on my "tone" getting "curt" and.
I am miserable inside and no one seems to notice or care. I feel alone all the time. People just don't seem to find me particularly interesting or likeable, and nothing I try to do seems to change it. I hate my life and I feel trapped and everything sucks and I just want to stop being so unhappy and I can't.