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I Have Lost You to Health and Good Cheer...
This is weird. I'm not sure I want to keep the new layout. Thoughts?
I love Pepperidge Farms. They make awesome cookies. I would say they make the best, but I like my cookies fresh. They make the best packaged cookies!
Anyway. I was going through some files earlier and god but people make me cry sometimes, with their flagrant abuse of the English language.
Someday, there will be a whole big post about that. And also several posts of my random fannish musings, including my whole big ramble on how fandom is simultaneously the most prurient and most prudish thing ever.
But that comes later. For now, I will share a few quotes that made me cry, and then a few that made me smile.
""Enough," the First shouted and stepped out of his reach. Its eyes suddenly glowed red. "You will pay for this respectlessness," it growled with the twisted voice of Buffy."
"Xander thought about the whole situation fow a few minutes. "That awfully sounds like a deal with the devil," he finally said. "I have to think good about that offer.""
"Xander prodded his bruised face with a sick fascination, to feel the pain, a pain that hurts, but not in the same way other pain does."
""IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I'VE DRANK FROM A SLAYER. ESPECIALLY A YOUNG ONE," the voice said, as it then continued to laugh."
"From dressing real cheap (much more cheaper than when she was with Ben) to actually waiting for him in is bed, naked underneath the covers. She went all out for him - and nothing happened."
(I spent the past few days at the XanderZone, skimming, at least, every story that topped 100 KB. And just to be clear: these aren't all from the same story. They don't even share authors. All that they have in common is that they each made me wish someone would just beta the Internet.)
If you don't send me feedback, I will sob uncontrollably for hours on end, until finally, in a fit of depression, I slash my wrists and bleed out on the bathroom floor. My death will be on your heads. Murderers.
--unknown, BTS list
That's why he goes bad, you know -- all the good people hit him on the head or try to shoot him and constantly mistrust him, while there's this vast cohort of minions saying, "We wouldn't hurt you, Lex, and we'll give you power and greatness and oh so much sex..."
Wow. That was scary. Lex is like Jesus in the desert.
--pricklyelf on why Lex goes bad
Obi-Wan has a sort of desperate, pathetic patience in this movie. You can just see it in his eyes: "My padawan is a psychopath, and no one will believe me; I'm barely keeping him under control and expect to wake up any night now to find him standing over my bed with a knife!"
--Teague reviewing "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones
I could rape a goat and it will DIE PRETTIER than they write.
--AIM, anonymous, 2/17/2004
Carson laughed. "They're no worse than the Ancients; they just left people everywhere they went, like wild oats."
"Fucking Johnny Humanseeds," John muttered, mostly to himself.
--Using Occam's Razor to Skin Shroedinger's Cat, by Sajinn
People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from behind rocks then say things like, "Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone else."
--Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!
God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.
--Terry Pratchett (or possibly, Neil Gaiman), Good Omens
Most of the members of the covent were old-fashioned Satanists, like their parents and grandparents before them. They'd been brought up to it and weren't, when you got right down to it, particularly evil. Human beings mostly aren't. They just get carried away by new ideas, like dressing up in jackboots and shooting people, or dressing up in white sheets and lynching people, or dressing up in tie-dye jeans and playing guitars at people. Offer people a new creed with a costume and their hearts and minds will follow.
--Terry Pratchett (or again, possibly Neil Gaiman), Good Omens
"Surely you have considered terrorist activity?"
There was another pause. Then the spokesman said, in the quiet tones of someone who has had enough and who is going to quit after this and raise chickens somewhere, "Yes, I suppose we must. All we need to do is find some terrorists who are capable of taking an entire nuclear reactor out of its can while it's running and without anyone noticing. It weighs about a thousand tons and is forty feet high. So they'll be quite strong terrorists. Perhaps you'd like to ring them up, sir, and ask them questions in that supercilious, accusatory way of yours."
--Neil Gaiman (or Terry Pratchett; flip a coin), Good Omens
"Now, Pete, you know better than to win an argument with Clark by bringing babes into the equation. That's like trying to win an argument with a vegetarian by throwing beef jerky at him."
--TWoP review
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
--Matt Groening
I went to the doctor today, and as she was examining my lady-bits, she said, "Wow, you're pretty bruised up down here!" I told her about the bike ride. But for a brief and shining moment, I thought about looking at her guiltily and saying, "My boyfriend likes to hit me in the crotch with a bat."
That’s like telling a crack whore, no crack for the day, and the crack is in the fridge next to the butter.
My brain has been undulating and flapping like bedsheets on the line, thinking about how postmodern language plays with itself until it goes blind, or until it is sticky and exhausted, or until it can no longer be satisfied by anything other than itself, and then language wipes itself off with some old t-shirt lying on the floor, and then language puts its pants back on.
Just for the record, I'd like to state that I have some major issues with my president. Most of which revolve around the fact that I have an I.Q. of 147 and my president has an I.Q. of 92. I feel as though I'm being ruled by a talking biscuit. Better yet, a talking biscuit with a bigger house, bigger income, and a pool. I'm not exactly happy about that.
The quote on my George Bush calendar today is: “I think that if you say you’re going to do something and don’t do it, that’s trustworthiness.” Holyfuckingshit, this man is in charge of stuff! He’s running with nuclear scissors like a demented toddler through a nursery of critically ill babies.
Although I am willing to accept souls in any condition, I ask that those of you who have already entered into demonic pacts with third parties refrain from trying to donate your souls. It isn’t fair to me, and it isn’t fair to the demons.
You are so beautiful you make me want to open fire in a crowded shopping center. I would let you play my spine like a banjo if you only asked. Girl, I would take you bowling. You make me want to buy things from infomercials and destroy myself in various other ways.
I was tired before my night class last night, so I thought a cappucino would be a nice little pick me up at 5:30. Sure, it picked me up. It picked my ass up and drove it around in a pimped out Lincoln Town Car until damn near 2 a.m. Then it smacked my face, made me call it Big Daddy and give it all my cash.
I'm a bit tired of all these jokes about toothless hookers, anyway. All you men do is complain about teeth--stop biting my penis, stop gnawing on my penis, stop eating my penis--but when you find a woman without them, it's all "toothless hooker" this, and "toothless hooker" that.
And finally:
We tend to scorn and laugh at those who write really awful fan fiction. But we can't murder them, and this is what annoys me.
-Deep Fanfic Thoughts, by Jack Handey
Wow, that is...a lot of cutting and pasting I just did.
I love Pepperidge Farms. They make awesome cookies. I would say they make the best, but I like my cookies fresh. They make the best packaged cookies!
Anyway. I was going through some files earlier and god but people make me cry sometimes, with their flagrant abuse of the English language.
Someday, there will be a whole big post about that. And also several posts of my random fannish musings, including my whole big ramble on how fandom is simultaneously the most prurient and most prudish thing ever.
But that comes later. For now, I will share a few quotes that made me cry, and then a few that made me smile.
""Enough," the First shouted and stepped out of his reach. Its eyes suddenly glowed red. "You will pay for this respectlessness," it growled with the twisted voice of Buffy."
"Xander thought about the whole situation fow a few minutes. "That awfully sounds like a deal with the devil," he finally said. "I have to think good about that offer.""
"Xander prodded his bruised face with a sick fascination, to feel the pain, a pain that hurts, but not in the same way other pain does."
""IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I'VE DRANK FROM A SLAYER. ESPECIALLY A YOUNG ONE," the voice said, as it then continued to laugh."
"From dressing real cheap (much more cheaper than when she was with Ben) to actually waiting for him in is bed, naked underneath the covers. She went all out for him - and nothing happened."
(I spent the past few days at the XanderZone, skimming, at least, every story that topped 100 KB. And just to be clear: these aren't all from the same story. They don't even share authors. All that they have in common is that they each made me wish someone would just beta the Internet.)
If you don't send me feedback, I will sob uncontrollably for hours on end, until finally, in a fit of depression, I slash my wrists and bleed out on the bathroom floor. My death will be on your heads. Murderers.
--unknown, BTS list
That's why he goes bad, you know -- all the good people hit him on the head or try to shoot him and constantly mistrust him, while there's this vast cohort of minions saying, "We wouldn't hurt you, Lex, and we'll give you power and greatness and oh so much sex..."
Wow. That was scary. Lex is like Jesus in the desert.
--pricklyelf on why Lex goes bad
Obi-Wan has a sort of desperate, pathetic patience in this movie. You can just see it in his eyes: "My padawan is a psychopath, and no one will believe me; I'm barely keeping him under control and expect to wake up any night now to find him standing over my bed with a knife!"
--Teague reviewing "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones
I could rape a goat and it will DIE PRETTIER than they write.
--AIM, anonymous, 2/17/2004
Carson laughed. "They're no worse than the Ancients; they just left people everywhere they went, like wild oats."
"Fucking Johnny Humanseeds," John muttered, mostly to himself.
--Using Occam's Razor to Skin Shroedinger's Cat, by Sajinn
People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from behind rocks then say things like, "Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone else."
--Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!
God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.
--Terry Pratchett (or possibly, Neil Gaiman), Good Omens
Most of the members of the covent were old-fashioned Satanists, like their parents and grandparents before them. They'd been brought up to it and weren't, when you got right down to it, particularly evil. Human beings mostly aren't. They just get carried away by new ideas, like dressing up in jackboots and shooting people, or dressing up in white sheets and lynching people, or dressing up in tie-dye jeans and playing guitars at people. Offer people a new creed with a costume and their hearts and minds will follow.
--Terry Pratchett (or again, possibly Neil Gaiman), Good Omens
"Surely you have considered terrorist activity?"
There was another pause. Then the spokesman said, in the quiet tones of someone who has had enough and who is going to quit after this and raise chickens somewhere, "Yes, I suppose we must. All we need to do is find some terrorists who are capable of taking an entire nuclear reactor out of its can while it's running and without anyone noticing. It weighs about a thousand tons and is forty feet high. So they'll be quite strong terrorists. Perhaps you'd like to ring them up, sir, and ask them questions in that supercilious, accusatory way of yours."
--Neil Gaiman (or Terry Pratchett; flip a coin), Good Omens
"Now, Pete, you know better than to win an argument with Clark by bringing babes into the equation. That's like trying to win an argument with a vegetarian by throwing beef jerky at him."
--TWoP review
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
--Matt Groening
I went to the doctor today, and as she was examining my lady-bits, she said, "Wow, you're pretty bruised up down here!" I told her about the bike ride. But for a brief and shining moment, I thought about looking at her guiltily and saying, "My boyfriend likes to hit me in the crotch with a bat."
That’s like telling a crack whore, no crack for the day, and the crack is in the fridge next to the butter.
My brain has been undulating and flapping like bedsheets on the line, thinking about how postmodern language plays with itself until it goes blind, or until it is sticky and exhausted, or until it can no longer be satisfied by anything other than itself, and then language wipes itself off with some old t-shirt lying on the floor, and then language puts its pants back on.
Just for the record, I'd like to state that I have some major issues with my president. Most of which revolve around the fact that I have an I.Q. of 147 and my president has an I.Q. of 92. I feel as though I'm being ruled by a talking biscuit. Better yet, a talking biscuit with a bigger house, bigger income, and a pool. I'm not exactly happy about that.
The quote on my George Bush calendar today is: “I think that if you say you’re going to do something and don’t do it, that’s trustworthiness.” Holyfuckingshit, this man is in charge of stuff! He’s running with nuclear scissors like a demented toddler through a nursery of critically ill babies.
Although I am willing to accept souls in any condition, I ask that those of you who have already entered into demonic pacts with third parties refrain from trying to donate your souls. It isn’t fair to me, and it isn’t fair to the demons.
You are so beautiful you make me want to open fire in a crowded shopping center. I would let you play my spine like a banjo if you only asked. Girl, I would take you bowling. You make me want to buy things from infomercials and destroy myself in various other ways.
I was tired before my night class last night, so I thought a cappucino would be a nice little pick me up at 5:30. Sure, it picked me up. It picked my ass up and drove it around in a pimped out Lincoln Town Car until damn near 2 a.m. Then it smacked my face, made me call it Big Daddy and give it all my cash.
I'm a bit tired of all these jokes about toothless hookers, anyway. All you men do is complain about teeth--stop biting my penis, stop gnawing on my penis, stop eating my penis--but when you find a woman without them, it's all "toothless hooker" this, and "toothless hooker" that.
And finally:
We tend to scorn and laugh at those who write really awful fan fiction. But we can't murder them, and this is what annoys me.
-Deep Fanfic Thoughts, by Jack Handey
Wow, that is...a lot of cutting and pasting I just did.
no subject
dudde, I so need to relocate my copy of good omens.
Lexxxxxxx.