![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
Incoherent Self-Reflection, with a Side of Laura-Love
The layout, it grows on me.
I wish I was more articulate. There're all these things floating around in my head, but in nothing so concrete as actual words. I just read chelle's Place Your Hand. I saved it. I'll archive it. But I don't...I don't like it. I mean, I like bits of it. But it's not, there's not...I'm going to think about it.
I'm going to think about it someday, about what it says and the way it says it, and I'm going to want to refer back to it.
It's not that it says anything new and different, or that it says what it does say especially well. It just...
This thing I'm doing, making this archive of fics, it's incredibly...personal. In ways I never really thought about before. I mean, I've thought about things like the way it's going to really display my kinks, and the way it lays all my weaknesses in taste bare. But this...I'm saving this not because of the story, but because of the way I think about the story, the way I know I'll be thinking about this story later at all.
I'm never going to show this to anyone but rabidly fannish friends. Right now, that's basically Laura. Maybe Jessica, if we resume communication. I wouldn't, couldn't, show this to Alyssa.
The only people I want to see this are people that are crazy rabid fangirls, people who've spent five minutes squeeing to me about the Snarry story I'll never touch. People I've not only traded recs with, but people I've traded pointless recs with. There has to be...reciprocation.
If someone sees this, sees this and reads the 2000+ plus stories that I've been squirreling away on my hard drive for two years, it'll be as personal as seeing me naked. No, more, because this'll be like seeing my mind naked. It's this huge collection of bad fic and good, porn and not, and it tells the world exactly what I like. It confesses every secret and shameful weakness I have, from the one for well-written hardcore BDSM to the one for superpowered!Xander stories. And yeah, I'll talk about a few of these right here on the Internet, but that's nothing compared to someone seeing the whole of it. I could care less about people knowing that astolat's Mercy is so damn good that every time I read it, my fucking head rolls back, but I don't want them to know all about the weird, OOC schmoop that I read over and over again, or the bizarre PWPs that make me go guh for no sane reason. And there are stories like Place Your Hand that are on their for reasons that have nothing to do with themselves and everything to do with me and my brain.
But with people like Laura, we've already given each other glimpses of our respective brains, and that makes it not matter. Because she's going to read these and be just as wildly biased as I was reading them and then we're going to be able to discuss and squee and argue our respective biases and know that neither of us is ever going to be squicked by the other's brain. Squicked by something that brain comes up with, maybe, but we don't have enough high ground to be squicked by the brain itself.
I wish I was more articulate. There're all these things floating around in my head, but in nothing so concrete as actual words. I just read chelle's Place Your Hand. I saved it. I'll archive it. But I don't...I don't like it. I mean, I like bits of it. But it's not, there's not...I'm going to think about it.
I'm going to think about it someday, about what it says and the way it says it, and I'm going to want to refer back to it.
It's not that it says anything new and different, or that it says what it does say especially well. It just...
This thing I'm doing, making this archive of fics, it's incredibly...personal. In ways I never really thought about before. I mean, I've thought about things like the way it's going to really display my kinks, and the way it lays all my weaknesses in taste bare. But this...I'm saving this not because of the story, but because of the way I think about the story, the way I know I'll be thinking about this story later at all.
I'm never going to show this to anyone but rabidly fannish friends. Right now, that's basically Laura. Maybe Jessica, if we resume communication. I wouldn't, couldn't, show this to Alyssa.
The only people I want to see this are people that are crazy rabid fangirls, people who've spent five minutes squeeing to me about the Snarry story I'll never touch. People I've not only traded recs with, but people I've traded pointless recs with. There has to be...reciprocation.
If someone sees this, sees this and reads the 2000+ plus stories that I've been squirreling away on my hard drive for two years, it'll be as personal as seeing me naked. No, more, because this'll be like seeing my mind naked. It's this huge collection of bad fic and good, porn and not, and it tells the world exactly what I like. It confesses every secret and shameful weakness I have, from the one for well-written hardcore BDSM to the one for superpowered!Xander stories. And yeah, I'll talk about a few of these right here on the Internet, but that's nothing compared to someone seeing the whole of it. I could care less about people knowing that astolat's Mercy is so damn good that every time I read it, my fucking head rolls back, but I don't want them to know all about the weird, OOC schmoop that I read over and over again, or the bizarre PWPs that make me go guh for no sane reason. And there are stories like Place Your Hand that are on their for reasons that have nothing to do with themselves and everything to do with me and my brain.
But with people like Laura, we've already given each other glimpses of our respective brains, and that makes it not matter. Because she's going to read these and be just as wildly biased as I was reading them and then we're going to be able to discuss and squee and argue our respective biases and know that neither of us is ever going to be squicked by the other's brain. Squicked by something that brain comes up with, maybe, but we don't have enough high ground to be squicked by the brain itself.
no subject
In Cat's Cradle it states that the even the index of a book can tell you the authors whole life story, share your soul with me...cause I really want the ficcie ficcie archive.
And as you said, the squick won't appear, discussion, debate, and rabid fangirl squees will.
(And yes, I so want to borrow that book....when will you be around chickasha next?)
no subject