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Sharing Is Caring, Part Deux! Fannish Musing Edition!
There's meta and musing and...I wish I could think of another m-word to go here. Anyway.
Oh, um. Small disclaimer: some of these actually will be elaborated on later.
shut up:
oh my god, stargate is so my perfect fandom. both stargates. cause, y'know, i'm a giant giant geek. and they're so incredibly geeky.
i wonder why that is.
i mean, they are on the scifi channel. and they are kinda based around geeks. but the authors get so into the geekiness. i love it. with sg-1, it's all about the words, cause daniel=linguist. and in atlantis, there are so many varieties of snarky snarky geekdom that it just makes me happy.
yep, 'm a dork.
sucksucksuck:
omg, I suck.
I suck because there are some fandoms where I have no knowledge of the canon except what I get 2nd hand.
So I'm all "but of course they are in love!! Jim love him so much he bring him back from the ded!!!1!1!!!"
But I don't know.
I'm crap.
I am crap on crap toast.
guy:
you know, it's *never* guys telling girls they want to fuck them stupid, it's always guys telling other guys. I don't think I've even read a girl telling another girl that. huh.
LOVE:
I was just reading this girl's reactions to the SGA finale and holy shit, how much do I love this fandom?
There are not words.
The show used the word moribund! And then the chick (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
iphignia939) busted out with this: ""Because I didn't know what that would do *to you*." You know, people, even if you don't see the slash, there's love there. Agape, maybe, or philia, but it's still love.".
Greek! She's using Greek concepts of love! In a casual, offhand way! She's not showing off! She's just USING HER BRAIN!
Love. Lovelovelovelovelovelovelove.
zir!:
omg! omg! zir!
most of you won't know what I'm talking about, 'cause you're not total geeks. but I was reading a recs list and, out of nowhere, the gender-neutral possessive pronoun!
zir! barely anyone even knows what that IS!
oh, SGA, my love for you and your geeky geeky brilliant fans knows no bounds.
p&p:
fandom - the most bizarre mix of the prurient and the prudish EVER
otoh, pr0n everywhere
otOh, the almost victorian arm/hand-porn thing
peeves:
1) Hypocritical Britpickers
You know who you are.
You've spent *years* mocking the Americans for getting the tone of Harry Potter wrong. You've made us all use "Britpickers" to make sure we not only use your slang, we use it "correctly".
But now the shoe is on the other foot. You're writing American characters now.
And you're doing it badly and without shame.
Bloody. Snog. Arse. Bang on about.
And, more than any other, pissed.
"Pissed", in America, means "angry".
Not drunk.
If you are writing Stargate fic of either flavor, the majority of your characters will be American. Well, Americans, or aliens. These are not, in either case, people who would speak the Queen's English. For that, we have Carson Beckett, and we used to have Peter Grodin. Occasionally, there are some suspiciously British-sounding Go'auld.
Also? Rodney McKay? Canadian.
Neither British nor American. He has, however, lived in the U.S. for years, so it's okay if he sounds American. Not if he sounds British. And there are extra special bonus points for those brave few who whip out Canadianisms other than "eh?".
Brave few, I love you.
Damn hypocritical Britpickers?
No love.
2) Inappropriate Kinks
I'd like to say, right up front, that I love kink in stories.
And I'm not talking about little kinks, like blindfolds and mild bondage.
I read Nancy's Romanology series. I've read and enjoyed stories with fisting, double-dicking, watersports, bloodplay, breathplay, heavy D/s, hardcore S&M...I've even read, if not especially enjoyed, stories with bestiality. Bestiality.
I am all about your right to kink it up.
As long as you do it appropriately.
For example, watersports. They squick me. But I read this fic, and yeah, Faith totally would want to mark Buffy as hers in a way that wasn't necessarily straight sexual.
It's not my taste, but it made sense. The author found eir kink a compatible character.
Some people don't bother to do that; they just plug characters in.
Some characters are not compatible with certain kinks.
Big, *glaring* example?
Rodney McKay and bloodplay. In canon, he was tortured with a knife, and he gave up too damn quickly to be someone who enjoyed a bit of recreational cutting. Many are the kinks you can combine with McKay, but the line stops at bloodplay.
Pick the character before you pick the kink.
3) Wrong Color
If you are colorblind, please, take the time to ask someone what color eyes/hair/skin these characters have. Because Gunn does not have "ebon" skin, Sheppard does not have "black" hair, and Harry Potter does not have "sky-blue" eyes, I don't care what you saw in the movie.
If you decide to get all descriptive on your audience, do it *right*. Or at least get the damn colors *close* to right. Brown is not black, blue is not green, and brunettes do not become blondes without chemical intervention.
4) Inexplicably Dumb Characters
There are some characters we *know* are really smart. Willow Rosenberg, Daniel Jackson, Rodney McKay, Gregory House, Hermione Granger, Jarod from The Pretender, etc.
Don't make them dumb. No, more than that, you have to make the effort to make them sound smart. Maybe you fudge the scientific/linguistic/medical stuff you put in. That's okay. It'd be nice if you did the research, but put it in even if you don't. Because they're smart and they should seem/sound/act like it. Daniel, for example, should not be getting linguistic tips/clues/lessons from Jack O'Neill. This is not a random example. This is not even an isolated example. I have seen it *more than once*.
To be clear: I am not saying Jack/Buffy/Harry/Sheppard/whoever is dumb. I am merely saying that *these* people are freakish-smart. Many of them are experts in their respective fields. Experts do *not* get schooled by novices, except in *extremely* odd circumstances. Don't do it. Unless you want to whip out a crazy circumstance, such as, oh, Jack getting the knowledge of the Ancients downloaded into his brain. Other than that, quit it.
5) His "Mate"
Just...stop. Don't use this word unless there is actually a valid reason for it. Those reasons, FYI, would not include "liking the word". They would be that a) your character is not human, b) your character is not from Earth, or c) your character is using the word in a sense other than "sex partner" (as a verb, in reference to animals, etc.). These aren't the only reasons to use that word, but most of the time, people just want a spiffy way to say "lover", and...just no.
6) Rose-tinted Glasses
Yes, intolerance is bad. Yes, it's very sad that homophobia exists.
That doesn't change the fact that it does! Not everyone is going to be thrilled that two men (or two women) have found the Big Gay True Love. And the number of people thrilled at the relationship is actually inverse to the number of people *involved* in the relationship. This is the WAY THINGS ARE.
If you would like to write a story with no homophobia, I would love to read it.
As long as you *give me a reason*. The strict screening for the Stargate program means that there are no bigots in Atlantis? Great! You have given me a reason, and it *makes some kind of sense*. There's no homophobia in your story because it's set in Ancient Greece? Yes! A reason that has the benefit of being *historically accurate*! There's no homophobia in your Horatio Hornblower story because Horatio/Archie's love is so totally meant to be that none can stand against it?
NO. In 19th century England, homosexuality was a *hanging offense*. That's right; it was not only *illegal*, it carried the *death sentence*. This is a fact; acknowledge and move on.
7) Restating Givens
"Thanks. It is lucky I brought my laptop and other necessities, on the trip. There's always a chance of Ancient technology being on a planet."
- Time Flys by Jessica
Yes, thank you. If we have *any* grasp of the canon, we realize that a huge reason they explore other planets is to find Ancient technology. We will go ahead and assume that they bring the necessary equipment every time. Because they are not dumb.
You don't have to tell us this kind of thing in most stories. If it's, for example, a huge AU spanning all the way from the first episode, then you may have to tell us things like that, because we may not be sure what effects your changes may have on the cast's SOP.
But if you're writing a non-AU, and you're assuming we know the characters and the situation, you can probably also assume we know other big stuff, like the shape (if not necessarily the specifics) of the major plot arcs. Don't be redundant.
8) Public Weeping
yuletide squee '05:
Bend It Like Beckham!
BIG EDEN!
omg, Calvin & Hobbes slash.
Calvin & Hobbes slash crossover!
Fandom, I love you.
OHMYJESUSGOD
http://www.yuletidetreasure.org/archive/17/slavebear.html
It's horrifying. And also, AWESOME.
DEBS femslash. I don't care what you say, Alyssa, I liked that movie.
Oh, *Fastlane*.
THE FIRE'S STONE
OH MY GOD, PEOPLE, IT'S THE FIRE'S STONE FIC. I HAVE NO WORDS FOR THE JOY I FEEL RIGHT NOW. AARON/DARVISH/CHANDRA, PEOPLE, JUST LIKE IN CANON (KIND OF).
LOVELOVELOVELOVE.
Galaxy Quest. Huh.
I love fanfic titles. "Upholding the Traditional Definition of Election".
Slash. For Grease. Grease. The musical, Grease.
Yuletide, I heart you.
JAKE 2.0
THE LOVE KNOWS NO BOUNDS TONIGHT, PEOPLE, NO BOUNDS.
VORKOSIGAN FIC. IVAN. BYERLY. POSSIBLY YOU ALL THINK I AM OVERUSING THE CAPS LOCK. POSSIBLY YOU ALL ARE STUPID AND DON'T REALIZE HOW COOL THIS IS.
Nightrunner fic! You know, the series with Luck in the Shadows.
Norse mythology!
Ender's Game? Really?
MAIRELON THE MAGICIAN. THREE stories.
I'll be lucky if I make it out of here with fewer than a dozen new fandoms. For example, I just saved three Nero Wolfe stories. Also, I cannot resist a Five Things story. So now I have to find out what the Farseer Trilogy is.
The Damar series!
Dude, *Shakespeare slash*. Totally gonna read that.
The Rundown fic! Written by someone other than Nancy!
Not that I don't love Nancy an unhealthy amount, but it's nice to have one fewer single-author fandom.
And hey, Sahara! Which Nancy just started writing! Two fewer.
See, the thing is, I don't need more rare fandoms. Really, I have more than any sane person should. But now I think I like Samurai Champloo.
Oh my god, shrift writes Samurai Champloo? Yeah, totally keeping this fandom.
The Crown Duel books!
TRIXIE. BELDEN. TRIXIE BELDEN FANFICTION.
I am having the best night.
no more homages:
You know what I want? I want the story where Rodney doesn't like Christmas *and that's okay*. I want the story where he sees the ghosts of Christmas, sees the horrible Christmas Future and says "you know what? fuck you. I'm the most brilliant man in two galaxies and *I* decide my fate, not a random hallucination based on what was, frankly, a much-overhyped book. Disdain for the commercialized wallow in organized religion that's become society's response to the beginning of December is a perfectly valid emotional stance and, strange as it may seem to the opiated masses, it's possible to be happy without buying into the peace-love-and-goodwill-toward-men shtick; humans are generally incredible morons anyway. So fuck you. I am not *Scrooge*. I am not *the Grinch*. I'm Rodney McKay, and if you don't get that candy cane out of my face right now, you won't live to regret it."
*This was written after readingsmittywing's A Non-Denominational Holiday Mission Report, but it's not really about that story. I was completely down with that story until we hit the ghost of christmas future thing. It's still a good story. I just saw too many Christmas Carol homages and also? I don't think disliking the holidays is a crime, especially if you've got reason.
flail:
okay, how much do I love a community of people that are so dorky that "*flail*" is valid feedback? *flail*, and maybe incoherent grunting typed out phonetically
also do I love the thing where everybody uses "I'll be in my bunk" when they find something really hot. because eeeeeee, Firefly!
penal AU:
"sci-fi penal colony AU"
that's the best EVER
sorry, Oz fic, Creed
I'm...not actually sure why that's so funny
It just is.
stop it:
Okay, you're not allowed to call Clark a man-child more than once per story.
Never, ever, upon pain of death, are you to use the phrase "man-pussy". Ever. I cannot stress this enough. The ass is not a pussy. It is not *like* a pussy. Woman = pussy. Man = no pussy. There is no such *thing* as a man-pussy, unless, maybe, you're talking about a male-identified hermaphrodite.
12:
you know who I miss? dumais
fucking sga
she wasn't even a tertiary character! she was...whatever's one step beyond that! quatrary or whatever!
but I miss her
I was sad when she died in Hot Zone and not just because she died locked into the screaming mimis by an evil alien nanovirus
also Grodin
oh, *peter* he was so brave and british and restrainedly pretty
emergency backup peter hasn't even gotten a name yet
he's just the nameless canadian guy
and how much do I love that people work that into fic? they're always "{protagonist} hasn't learned the new guy's name yet because all s/he needs to know about him is that he isn't peter".
they better not whack Zelenka
bitches, this is stargate franchise; they kill fucking pillar characters, and sometimes they do it for reals. and they kill a bunch of nonpillar characters (kowalski. rothman. sha're. JANET.), apparently just for funnsies.
I want John, Rodney, Teyla, Zelenka, Miko, Simpson, Cadman, Lorne, Parrish, and Halling to live. also Hermiod and Novak, for their love is true and pure (and naked).
and okay, also Elizabeth, if only because her replacement would be worse. unless it was george (oh, I *miss* george), but george would snap sheppard like a twig and not even remember it later - he'd be all "what? george choked an insubordinate bitch? huh, just another tuesday then." - and we need sheppard (also we like him, for he is pretty and possibly more than a little psychotic).
Carson could be maimed some. Maybe killed. He's not irredeemable yet, but he's kind of grating at this point (with his whole "what is this "ethics" you speak of?").
I have 13 people I wish to live and remain whole. but that is probably too much to ask. I could cut Halling? 12 people?
k+a:
duuuuude.
I had never seen hung out to dry. it's like the second real ep of ncis (real as opposed to the 2-pt crossover pilot).
kate and abby are *blatantly* flirting. and now I want more k/a. because mmmm.
wge:
I had a dream about the weirdest threesome and now I want Wes/Gunn/Elizabeth Weir fic.
I don't know.
dear john:
OH MY GOD
Rewatched SWAK today. Gibbs mentioned that he got a Dear John.
He's totally talking about the one the Director sent him!
Continuity!
Unless, you know, he got more than one. But I'm going with continuity.
continuity:
one of the best things about ncis is the running jokes.
see, it's a crime drama. you can start in on basically any episode and know what's going on: there has been a crime and it needs to be solved.
but this show always gives a little something extra to long-time viewers. there are the running jokes about abby's caf-pows, tony's girls, kate's wet t-shirt contest, tony kissing that trannie... and then there's The Meat Puzzle.
it's just a thing Ducky's working on, mentioned in passing in a few episodes...and then bam!
Meat puzzle's a central plot point.
I love continuity.
three, four...:
ok, has Gibbs been married *four* times?
b/c in The Bone Yard, he talks about his three *living* ex-wives.
but this season we learn he had a wife & child die.
he better have been married four times, because that makes better sense.
geekery:
okay, yeah, I'll own it.
Yes, I read SG-1 fic because I like the characters and their universe.
But more than that...I like the fic. Specifically, the fic that demonstrates that Daniel is a linguist.
You just don't get the opportunity to read stuff like this everywhere. Jingoistic and vainglory and *animadversions*.** *I have to look words up.*
The language geek in me loves Daniel Jackson because he's an excuse for the obscure and archaic and diverse in the language of the story. 23+ languages gives you a lot of room for foreign language anecdotes, and weird, obscure myths.
There's a story where SG-1 meets up with a culture who does competitive storytelling and the author has Daniel whip out the tale of Gilgamesh and Enkidu.
And one of the best first beginnings *ever*: "It was getting harder and harder to look at Daniel and not think about fellatio.
That was the word that came to him, too, polysyllabic and Latinate like Daniel himself. The right combination of kinky knowledge and clinical innocence. Daniel. Fellatio."
I have nothing but love for *anything* that gives me stories like this.
**(All three examples taken from a handspan of text in this story: http://www.jd-divas.com/biblio/seizetheday.shtml)
thought at the end of Two Galaxies:
I just thought that there's no way for a relationship ended by Daniels' (actual, permanent) death could be anything but permanently painful, because you'd never be sure that he *was* (actually, permanently) dead. It'd be worse than being married to someone in a coma.
hookers:
1. every fandom EVER should have at least one incredibly long rentboy!AU.
seriously.
where's my NCIS rentboy!AU? Tony = oddly plausible rentboy. come on! he became a hustler because he's in HIDING from his RICH and EVOL father. and then Gibbs picks him up, or a crime brings them together, or Abby adopts him and that's how he meets McGee and then Kate and then Gibbs (and he could have had sex with all of them! or he could just have sex with Gibbs. I don't care). I just want something along those lines.
2. harem stories rock. actually, sex slave stories rock. there should be more. except in sga, where there are THOUSANDS.
that sounded like a complaint. believe me when I say it's not; it's more like there's a sad lack in all other fandoms, but sga has done it right.
3. sex pollen. there is no bad with sex pollen. comics fandom, sga, don't care. sex pollen owns. also, it is fun to say.
4. aliens/spirit animals/ghosts/previously dormant veela instincts made them do it. I don't care what you say, it's *awesome*. I just read a story with a furry octupus for a yenta and it was the best thing ever.
skeavy:
I don't like reading about cybersex. it's skeavy.
11ty million:
wanting a supernatural/ncis crossover just for the tony/dean interaction (possibly the tony/dean slash) is wrong, right? although, omg, dean vs. gibbs = best *ever*
best ever that isn't gibbs v. house, that is. 'cause that, my friends, would be BEST EVER OMG TIMES ELEVENTY-MILLION
reason number...:
oh, my beloved sga
reason number eleventy-million and one you're the best fandom ever?
I just opened a file and went all high-pitched and happy because *it's the one with the fake hooker, omg* and then realized that that actually described at *least* a half-dozen stories. I say a half-dozen, because I can list three off the top of my head and my memory is *abominable*
best. ever.
and now I'm off to read fake!hooker-fic
here, share the joy:
Gift Horse, by Miss Pamela
The accidentally a hooker, but not really, kinda thing
A Royal Deception, by Mandragora*
*OK, not strictly hooker-fic, but he...pretends to be a harem-boy? there's sex-for-privileges. it totally counts
what turns my crank:
ok, so, like most people, I enjoy the well-plotted, witty program. you know, the one with a decent budget and production values, a good grasp of continuity, skilled actors, writers, and directors.
I also love the cheese. especially in my fandoms.
there are shows that you're a fan of, and then there are shows that become your *fandom*.
I'm a fan of Will & Grace. it's a good show. but I don't read fic for Will & Grace. the *show itself* fulfills my fannish needs.
and then you have Fastlane, which is cheesy and implausible and altogether wonderful. it's one of my fandoms. because the show itself does not fulfill me. I want to know more. I want to know more about how Van became a cop; I wanna see Van interact with Deaq's family; I want to see if Billie questions her sexuality after the whole undercover thing; and then I want to read about Deaq and Van having lots of sex. I like the show; I am a fan. I want more than the show gives me; I am fannish about the show.
and the higher the cheese factor of your premise, the more likely I am to be fannish about your show. no, really. 9 times out of 10, it's the *premise* that decides me. Jake 2.0? Clever show, well done, nicely acted. The premise? A computer tech at the NSA is accidentally infected with nanites that give him superpowers. Swear to god, *superpowers*. He is the Bionic Man, Mark 2. Cheeeeese. Don't care; I am fannish.
That's how I roll.
SGA? Space vampires. Buffy? "One girl in all the world, chosen..." The Sentinel? "Blessed Protector", people. Due South? "I first came to this city on the trail of my father's killers..." (and that's not even taking into account the RayV/RayK thing).
tasty angst:
why is it always the dominant partner pushing the submissive partner away to protect them?
I want to see a story where it's the other way 'round
I mean, yeah, it's a dumbass thing to do in the first place, but it makes for tasty angst. I'd just like it if the pattern wasn't so set.
morally superior:
okay, um
there's a thing, where Elizabeth does something morally ambiguous and is all "what have we become? we are as bad as that which we fight!" and that makes me.
I want to say, "go WTF, no!", but that doesn't even come close to my ungrokking of that concept.
you know what, no matter what the Atlanteans do, as long as they don't, I dunno, EAT PEOPLE, they win the moral high ground. hell, they can even eat people and KEEP the moral high ground, as long as they don't turn a whole galaxy into a PEOPLE-FARM.
Yeah, people-farm. The Wraith cull a percentage and then there's a period where they hibernate and let the people-farm lie fallow. IT IS A FARM. I BET THERE IS A FENCE AROUND PEGASUS WITH SIGNS SAYING "TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT". FAAAARM.
So whatever. Experiment on your Wraith POWs, create bioweapons, double-cross to your hearts' content. This is war without *any rules of engagement*. *Practically nothing you could do is morally wrong here*. You will always be the good guys, because the Wraith? They are *evil*.
erasure:
somebody brought up the point that eating people doesn't make you evil, it makes you part of the food chain. and okay, yeah, I could maybe see that point of view.
but they don't just eat people, they eat *cultures*. as a big-picture type villain, the wraith are scarier to me than the Go'auld. because yes, the go'auld enslave and steal your culture and blah blah blah. but the wraith find someone thinking of resisting and they kill you, eat you, and raze your world to the ground. they destroy *everything* of you. they *erase entire peoples*.
that's evil.
Oh, um. Small disclaimer: some of these actually will be elaborated on later.
shut up:
oh my god, stargate is so my perfect fandom. both stargates. cause, y'know, i'm a giant giant geek. and they're so incredibly geeky.
i wonder why that is.
i mean, they are on the scifi channel. and they are kinda based around geeks. but the authors get so into the geekiness. i love it. with sg-1, it's all about the words, cause daniel=linguist. and in atlantis, there are so many varieties of snarky snarky geekdom that it just makes me happy.
yep, 'm a dork.
sucksucksuck:
omg, I suck.
I suck because there are some fandoms where I have no knowledge of the canon except what I get 2nd hand.
So I'm all "but of course they are in love!! Jim love him so much he bring him back from the ded!!!1!1!!!"
But I don't know.
I'm crap.
I am crap on crap toast.
guy:
you know, it's *never* guys telling girls they want to fuck them stupid, it's always guys telling other guys. I don't think I've even read a girl telling another girl that. huh.
LOVE:
I was just reading this girl's reactions to the SGA finale and holy shit, how much do I love this fandom?
There are not words.
The show used the word moribund! And then the chick (
iphignia939) busted out with this: ""Because I didn't know what that would do *to you*." You know, people, even if you don't see the slash, there's love there. Agape, maybe, or philia, but it's still love.".Greek! She's using Greek concepts of love! In a casual, offhand way! She's not showing off! She's just USING HER BRAIN!
Love. Lovelovelovelovelovelovelove.
zir!:
omg! omg! zir!
most of you won't know what I'm talking about, 'cause you're not total geeks. but I was reading a recs list and, out of nowhere, the gender-neutral possessive pronoun!
zir! barely anyone even knows what that IS!
oh, SGA, my love for you and your geeky geeky brilliant fans knows no bounds.
p&p:
fandom - the most bizarre mix of the prurient and the prudish EVER
otoh, pr0n everywhere
otOh, the almost victorian arm/hand-porn thing
peeves:
1) Hypocritical Britpickers
You know who you are.
You've spent *years* mocking the Americans for getting the tone of Harry Potter wrong. You've made us all use "Britpickers" to make sure we not only use your slang, we use it "correctly".
But now the shoe is on the other foot. You're writing American characters now.
And you're doing it badly and without shame.
Bloody. Snog. Arse. Bang on about.
And, more than any other, pissed.
"Pissed", in America, means "angry".
Not drunk.
If you are writing Stargate fic of either flavor, the majority of your characters will be American. Well, Americans, or aliens. These are not, in either case, people who would speak the Queen's English. For that, we have Carson Beckett, and we used to have Peter Grodin. Occasionally, there are some suspiciously British-sounding Go'auld.
Also? Rodney McKay? Canadian.
Neither British nor American. He has, however, lived in the U.S. for years, so it's okay if he sounds American. Not if he sounds British. And there are extra special bonus points for those brave few who whip out Canadianisms other than "eh?".
Brave few, I love you.
Damn hypocritical Britpickers?
No love.
2) Inappropriate Kinks
I'd like to say, right up front, that I love kink in stories.
And I'm not talking about little kinks, like blindfolds and mild bondage.
I read Nancy's Romanology series. I've read and enjoyed stories with fisting, double-dicking, watersports, bloodplay, breathplay, heavy D/s, hardcore S&M...I've even read, if not especially enjoyed, stories with bestiality. Bestiality.
I am all about your right to kink it up.
As long as you do it appropriately.
For example, watersports. They squick me. But I read this fic, and yeah, Faith totally would want to mark Buffy as hers in a way that wasn't necessarily straight sexual.
It's not my taste, but it made sense. The author found eir kink a compatible character.
Some people don't bother to do that; they just plug characters in.
Some characters are not compatible with certain kinks.
Big, *glaring* example?
Rodney McKay and bloodplay. In canon, he was tortured with a knife, and he gave up too damn quickly to be someone who enjoyed a bit of recreational cutting. Many are the kinks you can combine with McKay, but the line stops at bloodplay.
Pick the character before you pick the kink.
3) Wrong Color
If you are colorblind, please, take the time to ask someone what color eyes/hair/skin these characters have. Because Gunn does not have "ebon" skin, Sheppard does not have "black" hair, and Harry Potter does not have "sky-blue" eyes, I don't care what you saw in the movie.
If you decide to get all descriptive on your audience, do it *right*. Or at least get the damn colors *close* to right. Brown is not black, blue is not green, and brunettes do not become blondes without chemical intervention.
4) Inexplicably Dumb Characters
There are some characters we *know* are really smart. Willow Rosenberg, Daniel Jackson, Rodney McKay, Gregory House, Hermione Granger, Jarod from The Pretender, etc.
Don't make them dumb. No, more than that, you have to make the effort to make them sound smart. Maybe you fudge the scientific/linguistic/medical stuff you put in. That's okay. It'd be nice if you did the research, but put it in even if you don't. Because they're smart and they should seem/sound/act like it. Daniel, for example, should not be getting linguistic tips/clues/lessons from Jack O'Neill. This is not a random example. This is not even an isolated example. I have seen it *more than once*.
To be clear: I am not saying Jack/Buffy/Harry/Sheppard/whoever is dumb. I am merely saying that *these* people are freakish-smart. Many of them are experts in their respective fields. Experts do *not* get schooled by novices, except in *extremely* odd circumstances. Don't do it. Unless you want to whip out a crazy circumstance, such as, oh, Jack getting the knowledge of the Ancients downloaded into his brain. Other than that, quit it.
5) His "Mate"
Just...stop. Don't use this word unless there is actually a valid reason for it. Those reasons, FYI, would not include "liking the word". They would be that a) your character is not human, b) your character is not from Earth, or c) your character is using the word in a sense other than "sex partner" (as a verb, in reference to animals, etc.). These aren't the only reasons to use that word, but most of the time, people just want a spiffy way to say "lover", and...just no.
6) Rose-tinted Glasses
Yes, intolerance is bad. Yes, it's very sad that homophobia exists.
That doesn't change the fact that it does! Not everyone is going to be thrilled that two men (or two women) have found the Big Gay True Love. And the number of people thrilled at the relationship is actually inverse to the number of people *involved* in the relationship. This is the WAY THINGS ARE.
If you would like to write a story with no homophobia, I would love to read it.
As long as you *give me a reason*. The strict screening for the Stargate program means that there are no bigots in Atlantis? Great! You have given me a reason, and it *makes some kind of sense*. There's no homophobia in your story because it's set in Ancient Greece? Yes! A reason that has the benefit of being *historically accurate*! There's no homophobia in your Horatio Hornblower story because Horatio/Archie's love is so totally meant to be that none can stand against it?
NO. In 19th century England, homosexuality was a *hanging offense*. That's right; it was not only *illegal*, it carried the *death sentence*. This is a fact; acknowledge and move on.
7) Restating Givens
"Thanks. It is lucky I brought my laptop and other necessities, on the trip. There's always a chance of Ancient technology being on a planet."
- Time Flys by Jessica
Yes, thank you. If we have *any* grasp of the canon, we realize that a huge reason they explore other planets is to find Ancient technology. We will go ahead and assume that they bring the necessary equipment every time. Because they are not dumb.
You don't have to tell us this kind of thing in most stories. If it's, for example, a huge AU spanning all the way from the first episode, then you may have to tell us things like that, because we may not be sure what effects your changes may have on the cast's SOP.
But if you're writing a non-AU, and you're assuming we know the characters and the situation, you can probably also assume we know other big stuff, like the shape (if not necessarily the specifics) of the major plot arcs. Don't be redundant.
8) Public Weeping
yuletide squee '05:
Bend It Like Beckham!
BIG EDEN!
omg, Calvin & Hobbes slash.
Calvin & Hobbes slash crossover!
Fandom, I love you.
OHMYJESUSGOD
http://www.yuletidetreasure.org/archive/17/slavebear.html
It's horrifying. And also, AWESOME.
DEBS femslash. I don't care what you say, Alyssa, I liked that movie.
Oh, *Fastlane*.
THE FIRE'S STONE
OH MY GOD, PEOPLE, IT'S THE FIRE'S STONE FIC. I HAVE NO WORDS FOR THE JOY I FEEL RIGHT NOW. AARON/DARVISH/CHANDRA, PEOPLE, JUST LIKE IN CANON (KIND OF).
LOVELOVELOVELOVE.
Galaxy Quest. Huh.
I love fanfic titles. "Upholding the Traditional Definition of Election".
Slash. For Grease. Grease. The musical, Grease.
Yuletide, I heart you.
JAKE 2.0
THE LOVE KNOWS NO BOUNDS TONIGHT, PEOPLE, NO BOUNDS.
VORKOSIGAN FIC. IVAN. BYERLY. POSSIBLY YOU ALL THINK I AM OVERUSING THE CAPS LOCK. POSSIBLY YOU ALL ARE STUPID AND DON'T REALIZE HOW COOL THIS IS.
Nightrunner fic! You know, the series with Luck in the Shadows.
Norse mythology!
Ender's Game? Really?
MAIRELON THE MAGICIAN. THREE stories.
I'll be lucky if I make it out of here with fewer than a dozen new fandoms. For example, I just saved three Nero Wolfe stories. Also, I cannot resist a Five Things story. So now I have to find out what the Farseer Trilogy is.
The Damar series!
Dude, *Shakespeare slash*. Totally gonna read that.
The Rundown fic! Written by someone other than Nancy!
Not that I don't love Nancy an unhealthy amount, but it's nice to have one fewer single-author fandom.
And hey, Sahara! Which Nancy just started writing! Two fewer.
See, the thing is, I don't need more rare fandoms. Really, I have more than any sane person should. But now I think I like Samurai Champloo.
Oh my god, shrift writes Samurai Champloo? Yeah, totally keeping this fandom.
The Crown Duel books!
TRIXIE. BELDEN. TRIXIE BELDEN FANFICTION.
I am having the best night.
no more homages:
You know what I want? I want the story where Rodney doesn't like Christmas *and that's okay*. I want the story where he sees the ghosts of Christmas, sees the horrible Christmas Future and says "you know what? fuck you. I'm the most brilliant man in two galaxies and *I* decide my fate, not a random hallucination based on what was, frankly, a much-overhyped book. Disdain for the commercialized wallow in organized religion that's become society's response to the beginning of December is a perfectly valid emotional stance and, strange as it may seem to the opiated masses, it's possible to be happy without buying into the peace-love-and-goodwill-toward-men shtick; humans are generally incredible morons anyway. So fuck you. I am not *Scrooge*. I am not *the Grinch*. I'm Rodney McKay, and if you don't get that candy cane out of my face right now, you won't live to regret it."
*This was written after reading
smittywing's A Non-Denominational Holiday Mission Report, but it's not really about that story. I was completely down with that story until we hit the ghost of christmas future thing. It's still a good story. I just saw too many Christmas Carol homages and also? I don't think disliking the holidays is a crime, especially if you've got reason.flail:
okay, how much do I love a community of people that are so dorky that "*flail*" is valid feedback? *flail*, and maybe incoherent grunting typed out phonetically
also do I love the thing where everybody uses "I'll be in my bunk" when they find something really hot. because eeeeeee, Firefly!
penal AU:
"sci-fi penal colony AU"
that's the best EVER
sorry, Oz fic, Creed
I'm...not actually sure why that's so funny
It just is.
stop it:
Okay, you're not allowed to call Clark a man-child more than once per story.
Never, ever, upon pain of death, are you to use the phrase "man-pussy". Ever. I cannot stress this enough. The ass is not a pussy. It is not *like* a pussy. Woman = pussy. Man = no pussy. There is no such *thing* as a man-pussy, unless, maybe, you're talking about a male-identified hermaphrodite.
12:
you know who I miss? dumais
fucking sga
she wasn't even a tertiary character! she was...whatever's one step beyond that! quatrary or whatever!
but I miss her
I was sad when she died in Hot Zone and not just because she died locked into the screaming mimis by an evil alien nanovirus
also Grodin
oh, *peter* he was so brave and british and restrainedly pretty
emergency backup peter hasn't even gotten a name yet
he's just the nameless canadian guy
and how much do I love that people work that into fic? they're always "{protagonist} hasn't learned the new guy's name yet because all s/he needs to know about him is that he isn't peter".
they better not whack Zelenka
bitches, this is stargate franchise; they kill fucking pillar characters, and sometimes they do it for reals. and they kill a bunch of nonpillar characters (kowalski. rothman. sha're. JANET.), apparently just for funnsies.
I want John, Rodney, Teyla, Zelenka, Miko, Simpson, Cadman, Lorne, Parrish, and Halling to live. also Hermiod and Novak, for their love is true and pure (and naked).
and okay, also Elizabeth, if only because her replacement would be worse. unless it was george (oh, I *miss* george), but george would snap sheppard like a twig and not even remember it later - he'd be all "what? george choked an insubordinate bitch? huh, just another tuesday then." - and we need sheppard (also we like him, for he is pretty and possibly more than a little psychotic).
Carson could be maimed some. Maybe killed. He's not irredeemable yet, but he's kind of grating at this point (with his whole "what is this "ethics" you speak of?").
I have 13 people I wish to live and remain whole. but that is probably too much to ask. I could cut Halling? 12 people?
k+a:
duuuuude.
I had never seen hung out to dry. it's like the second real ep of ncis (real as opposed to the 2-pt crossover pilot).
kate and abby are *blatantly* flirting. and now I want more k/a. because mmmm.
wge:
I had a dream about the weirdest threesome and now I want Wes/Gunn/Elizabeth Weir fic.
I don't know.
dear john:
OH MY GOD
Rewatched SWAK today. Gibbs mentioned that he got a Dear John.
He's totally talking about the one the Director sent him!
Continuity!
Unless, you know, he got more than one. But I'm going with continuity.
continuity:
one of the best things about ncis is the running jokes.
see, it's a crime drama. you can start in on basically any episode and know what's going on: there has been a crime and it needs to be solved.
but this show always gives a little something extra to long-time viewers. there are the running jokes about abby's caf-pows, tony's girls, kate's wet t-shirt contest, tony kissing that trannie... and then there's The Meat Puzzle.
it's just a thing Ducky's working on, mentioned in passing in a few episodes...and then bam!
Meat puzzle's a central plot point.
I love continuity.
three, four...:
ok, has Gibbs been married *four* times?
b/c in The Bone Yard, he talks about his three *living* ex-wives.
but this season we learn he had a wife & child die.
he better have been married four times, because that makes better sense.
geekery:
okay, yeah, I'll own it.
Yes, I read SG-1 fic because I like the characters and their universe.
But more than that...I like the fic. Specifically, the fic that demonstrates that Daniel is a linguist.
You just don't get the opportunity to read stuff like this everywhere. Jingoistic and vainglory and *animadversions*.** *I have to look words up.*
The language geek in me loves Daniel Jackson because he's an excuse for the obscure and archaic and diverse in the language of the story. 23+ languages gives you a lot of room for foreign language anecdotes, and weird, obscure myths.
There's a story where SG-1 meets up with a culture who does competitive storytelling and the author has Daniel whip out the tale of Gilgamesh and Enkidu.
And one of the best first beginnings *ever*: "It was getting harder and harder to look at Daniel and not think about fellatio.
That was the word that came to him, too, polysyllabic and Latinate like Daniel himself. The right combination of kinky knowledge and clinical innocence. Daniel. Fellatio."
I have nothing but love for *anything* that gives me stories like this.
**(All three examples taken from a handspan of text in this story: http://www.jd-divas.com/biblio/seizetheday.shtml)
thought at the end of Two Galaxies:
I just thought that there's no way for a relationship ended by Daniels' (actual, permanent) death could be anything but permanently painful, because you'd never be sure that he *was* (actually, permanently) dead. It'd be worse than being married to someone in a coma.
hookers:
1. every fandom EVER should have at least one incredibly long rentboy!AU.
seriously.
where's my NCIS rentboy!AU? Tony = oddly plausible rentboy. come on! he became a hustler because he's in HIDING from his RICH and EVOL father. and then Gibbs picks him up, or a crime brings them together, or Abby adopts him and that's how he meets McGee and then Kate and then Gibbs (and he could have had sex with all of them! or he could just have sex with Gibbs. I don't care). I just want something along those lines.
2. harem stories rock. actually, sex slave stories rock. there should be more. except in sga, where there are THOUSANDS.
that sounded like a complaint. believe me when I say it's not; it's more like there's a sad lack in all other fandoms, but sga has done it right.
3. sex pollen. there is no bad with sex pollen. comics fandom, sga, don't care. sex pollen owns. also, it is fun to say.
4. aliens/spirit animals/ghosts/previously dormant veela instincts made them do it. I don't care what you say, it's *awesome*. I just read a story with a furry octupus for a yenta and it was the best thing ever.
skeavy:
I don't like reading about cybersex. it's skeavy.
11ty million:
wanting a supernatural/ncis crossover just for the tony/dean interaction (possibly the tony/dean slash) is wrong, right? although, omg, dean vs. gibbs = best *ever*
best ever that isn't gibbs v. house, that is. 'cause that, my friends, would be BEST EVER OMG TIMES ELEVENTY-MILLION
reason number...:
oh, my beloved sga
reason number eleventy-million and one you're the best fandom ever?
I just opened a file and went all high-pitched and happy because *it's the one with the fake hooker, omg* and then realized that that actually described at *least* a half-dozen stories. I say a half-dozen, because I can list three off the top of my head and my memory is *abominable*
best. ever.
and now I'm off to read fake!hooker-fic
here, share the joy:
Gift Horse, by Miss Pamela
The accidentally a hooker, but not really, kinda thing
A Royal Deception, by Mandragora*
*OK, not strictly hooker-fic, but he...pretends to be a harem-boy? there's sex-for-privileges. it totally counts
what turns my crank:
ok, so, like most people, I enjoy the well-plotted, witty program. you know, the one with a decent budget and production values, a good grasp of continuity, skilled actors, writers, and directors.
I also love the cheese. especially in my fandoms.
there are shows that you're a fan of, and then there are shows that become your *fandom*.
I'm a fan of Will & Grace. it's a good show. but I don't read fic for Will & Grace. the *show itself* fulfills my fannish needs.
and then you have Fastlane, which is cheesy and implausible and altogether wonderful. it's one of my fandoms. because the show itself does not fulfill me. I want to know more. I want to know more about how Van became a cop; I wanna see Van interact with Deaq's family; I want to see if Billie questions her sexuality after the whole undercover thing; and then I want to read about Deaq and Van having lots of sex. I like the show; I am a fan. I want more than the show gives me; I am fannish about the show.
and the higher the cheese factor of your premise, the more likely I am to be fannish about your show. no, really. 9 times out of 10, it's the *premise* that decides me. Jake 2.0? Clever show, well done, nicely acted. The premise? A computer tech at the NSA is accidentally infected with nanites that give him superpowers. Swear to god, *superpowers*. He is the Bionic Man, Mark 2. Cheeeeese. Don't care; I am fannish.
That's how I roll.
SGA? Space vampires. Buffy? "One girl in all the world, chosen..." The Sentinel? "Blessed Protector", people. Due South? "I first came to this city on the trail of my father's killers..." (and that's not even taking into account the RayV/RayK thing).
tasty angst:
why is it always the dominant partner pushing the submissive partner away to protect them?
I want to see a story where it's the other way 'round
I mean, yeah, it's a dumbass thing to do in the first place, but it makes for tasty angst. I'd just like it if the pattern wasn't so set.
morally superior:
okay, um
there's a thing, where Elizabeth does something morally ambiguous and is all "what have we become? we are as bad as that which we fight!" and that makes me.
I want to say, "go WTF, no!", but that doesn't even come close to my ungrokking of that concept.
you know what, no matter what the Atlanteans do, as long as they don't, I dunno, EAT PEOPLE, they win the moral high ground. hell, they can even eat people and KEEP the moral high ground, as long as they don't turn a whole galaxy into a PEOPLE-FARM.
Yeah, people-farm. The Wraith cull a percentage and then there's a period where they hibernate and let the people-farm lie fallow. IT IS A FARM. I BET THERE IS A FENCE AROUND PEGASUS WITH SIGNS SAYING "TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT". FAAAARM.
So whatever. Experiment on your Wraith POWs, create bioweapons, double-cross to your hearts' content. This is war without *any rules of engagement*. *Practically nothing you could do is morally wrong here*. You will always be the good guys, because the Wraith? They are *evil*.
erasure:
somebody brought up the point that eating people doesn't make you evil, it makes you part of the food chain. and okay, yeah, I could maybe see that point of view.
but they don't just eat people, they eat *cultures*. as a big-picture type villain, the wraith are scarier to me than the Go'auld. because yes, the go'auld enslave and steal your culture and blah blah blah. but the wraith find someone thinking of resisting and they kill you, eat you, and raze your world to the ground. they destroy *everything* of you. they *erase entire peoples*.
that's evil.