(no subject)

Sometimes the only thing I want to post is an open letter to fandom, and all it says is, I am here, and I am in love. Sometimes I am too happy for anything more articulate than that and sometimes I am too busy kicking myself upwards to feel more than that, but that's the one thing that doesn't change. I'm frustrated by you; I want nothing more than to immerse myself in you; I cannot engage with you even if I want to (and sometimes I don't); I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. When I'm happy you make me happier. When I'm sad you're the driftwood I cling to in between crying jags. You distract me when I wake up shaking from nightmares. You comfort me when I literally can't make it through two days at work without hearing something homophobic/racist/misogynist. You make me stay up far too late, because I can't bear to leave even to sleep. You make me smile and enjoy my dinner alone, because an all-you-can-eat buffet, a Kindle, and two hours to kill absolutely beat a date. You turn me on. You make me pity everyone I know who will never have this community or see this archive or read this story or understand this entire language of love we've built together.