Sharing Is Caring, Part Dix! Stream of Consciousness Is the New Black (1)!

[strina]

Okay! For those of you who weren't here last time, every little while I do a big post of all my random notes and observations. There's fic notes, fannish ponderings, RL stuff, grammar bitching, I think it, it's here. And normally I sort it by subject, but this go 'round, it's all chronological and mostly unedited. It'll date from last February to yesterday. Oh, and if there's a fic I mention that interests you, I'll do my best to hunt up a link upon request.

God, fanfiction is...not like other hobbies. For one, I'm pretty sure this is the only one that could ever leave me admonishing myself that no, a Cannibalism prompt would be a bad idea, because I couldn't name more than a half-dozen stories that have even a little cannibalism. It's just tempting because it seems like everywhere I look lately, people are eating brains. Zombies, Inferi, Sylar, Jim Ellison. Oh yes, I finally gave in and read the cannibalism-as-an-expression-of-deepest-love fic. For another, it's kind of awesome that I can look ahead ten years and know that I'll still be in fandom and yet have no idea what fandom will even look like. You don't get that kind of cliffhanger-y anticipation with bowling, let me tell you.

You know it's a bad day when you're just proud you haven't punched anybody in the face yet.

Okay, so, I took an HIV test recently and dude, it's just a swab-thing; the results take like ten minutes. So why is it everytime I see an HIV test in fiction, it's all "well, we'll just make off with some blood and let you know in a few days"?

Goddammit. There is nothing as frustrating as getting a yen for a fandom you've lost, oh, 90, 95% of your bookmarks for. And most of the bookmarks I do have are just archives. I keep reading stories and not finding the ones I want! I mean, I've found some of the ones I want, the Love and Mischief series, and the Life Sucks series, and Pieces of a Whole (dude, did that sequel ever get written? because that is a fucking awkward place to leave it permanently). But there's the one where Joxer's clumsy 'cause of brain damage from when he was a kid, and the one where Strife was horribly raped, and okay, those probably describe several stories, but I'll recognize the ones I want when I see them. Also, wow, people were unfond of Gabrielle, Psyche, and Hercules. Although that's pretty easily attributable to the fact that I'm an Ares/Joxer, Cupid/Strife girl. See, I seem to have a thing for characters intended as figures of fun, and that often translates to reading fic where the authors feel the need to give some comeuppance to those they feel have been unfair to their beloveds. So I'm probably a lot more inured to character bashing than most. I don't really enjoy it, but it doesn't stop me enjoying the story, you know? Unless, of course, it's one of my beloveds getting picked on.

omg, never reading a story with the Spanish Inquisition AGAIN, anal pear, wtffaaaaah

OMFG, how hard is it to keep basic mythology straight? Not only is it the framework of the canon you're supposedly writing from, you learn it in school! We covered Greek mythology four times: once in elementary, once in history, and twice in English! I therefore sincerely doubt that other schools didn't hit it at least once. So how can you not keep straight that 1) Ancient Greece = not so much with the Christian concept of angels, therefore perhaps having one of the gods use the term as a pet name is a wee bit narratively inaapropriate, and 2) the Fates are Lachesis, Clotho, and Atropos not the Maiden, the Mother, and the Crone, fucking hell, not only is that the wrong religion and not even vaguely the right region, they're not even the same mythological concept.

Dude, Voltron is out on dvd and I want it so bad. I loved it when I was little! Also, I want to see if Lothor is as hot as I think I remember and if I'll still ship him and the princess. What? He loved her.

Hey, guess what you are never going to sell me on? 100%sub!Ares.

I love archives that let you choose to view a fic by chapter or story. It's so handy.

God, I love my fandoms. even when the canon drives me bugfuck, I can look around and see other people tearing their hair or frantically retconning or throwing their hands up because fuck it! that was their breaking point! and christ but I love that, love that we can all be crazy obsessive freaks together without that distant and incomprehension you get with people who've never been fans of anything in their lives.

It's kind of hilarious how half the time - no, more than half the time - I finish reading an HP fic I want to, at the very least, smack Dumbledore around until, I don't know, lemon drops fall out. It doesn't seem to matter what pairing, either! You see it slightly more in H/D, but it's in H/G and H/Hr fics, too. I can't remember ever seeing the like in H/R, but that's probably because I can't have read more than a dozen or two H/R fics, total.
This fic, for example, has me rooting for a mutiny and also the magical equivalent of a nice solid kick in the nads. Trying to get Draco to fucking whore for him! When he know damn well about Harry and Draco! God, at some point, he's going to piss Harry off enough that it'll be accidental magic time and oh, what a wonderful time that shall be.

Also, I'm pretty sure you can't Polyjuice as a dead person. Otherwise what was the point of keeping someone as dangerous as Moody alive instead of just killing him while he was helpless? You know, I am more a canon-nazi for this fandom than any of my others and the only reason I can come up with is that I retain more, longer, from what I read than from what I see or hear.

I don't do stories where Harry dies. It's too deeply unfair. You make his whole life crap, stick him with a prophecy, and then you kill him, usually violently? Yeah, no. Not cool. I mean, I've read all of two stories where Harry dies, and both of those were stories where the entire world died. I'm not down with people saving the world and then not getting to enjoy it.

God, I love knowing html. The story I'm reading was missing a dozen or two closing tags (the archive did something hinky) and I, for one, would prefer not to read 500 K of text bolded and aligned to center. Just as a personal preference.

Jesus, I will read the shittiest stories if they have creature!Harry, or creature!Draco. Especially if there's a mating urge/mystical soulbond/arcane magnetism involved.

Christ jesus, people, warn for cheating! Well, not so much cheating as partner betrayal. Like, Hermione is with Ron, sleeps with Harry, happy OT3 ending = cheating, but not partner betrayal. John sleeping with Sam Carter behind Rodney's back = BETRAYAL.

OMG, Double Edged Sword has the best "Ron figures it out" scene ever. I am so glad I decided to keep reading despite the obnoxious plot point. ETA: Okay, not so glad, because it was apparently only the first of several obnoxious plot points. Including the least fun amnesia plot ever, goddammit. I didn't know you could have an unfun amnesia plot! I am so disillusioned now!

ARGH. Just, ARGH. People, try saying your dialogue out loud, because sometimes stuff that looks good? Doesn't work, so much. Like that H/R fic where mpreg's called "withchild" and used like it somehow sounds different from "with child". Or the way all those Buffy fics had people calling the Potentials/baby Slayers "SiTs" all the damn time even though that is fucking awkward to say.

Conscious and conscience? Amazingly, not the same word! Also, burnish and tarnish are antonyms, not synonyms!

High/hie, dawning/donning! I mean, yes, very nice that you're stretching your story's vocab a bit, but do it right! Also! Imminent and eminent aren't the same!

Should I be warning for double-dicking stories? And jesus, I can't believe I've read enough of them for that to even be a question.

It's weird when you see something in a fic and then, even though you'd never seen it before, it immediately shows up in several unrelated fics. Like, for some reason, a bunch of the fics I read yesterday had bits about Harry having his own bed in the infirmary - in one, it was actually the Harry James Potter Memorial Bed.

I love Ron! You know, excepting the thing in GoF. He's so awesome. I had a mini-Harry/Ron kick just now. Although dude, where's my epic H/R? I've got epic everything else. Hell, I've got an epic-length Harry/Seamus fic; don't tell me there's nothing out there.

I love how the consensus (excepting in D/s fics) seems to be that what Harry really needs in a partner is someone not afraid to kick his ass.

Harry + snakes = OTP! God, Parseltongue is the best ever. I wonder if there's a Parselsmut masterlist somewhere?

Hee, perusal. Fun word.

Goddammit. There is very little as disconcerting and annoying as randomly reoccuring waves of vertigo. It's making me want to swear a lot, and also punch something. Which makes me miss Richard, because punching inanimate objects is singularly unsatisfying no matter what therapists try to tell you, and I'm not allowed to hit other people like I mean it.

I have a weakness for...the everyday, I guess. I like stories about battles, but I like reading about the training and preparation more. I like reading about a case or a mission, but I'd rather read about a slew of the same, including the ones that were boring or ridiculous or didn't turn out. What I mean is, a fic where Auror Harry falls irrevocably in love with his partner in the space of one high-drama case? Nice. The fic where we see him settle into the partnership over the course of months' worth of small cases and then falls in love during the one case? Much better.

So, I read fast, which is usually a good thing. But if I read a bunch of fics one after another, they blur and it's hell trying to separate them back out to figure out which one, exactly, I'm wanting to re-read.

It's a little weird to me, the way some stories make me 'ship couples within that particular verse that I wouldn't even have considered. Like, Resonance is the story that made me even willing to consider Harry/Tonks and, within that verse, I ship them hard (although I also ship Harry/Vineet like mad, just because I adore Vineet). And HP & the Nightmares of Futures Past is, as I've said, the only Harry/Ginny story for me, but it's also the fic that got me interested even a little in Harry/Luna.

Even though I have never, ever had cause to use it in conversation, I love the word shillelagh. It looks and sounds cool. Also, I would like to mention that though I mistyped "even" there, I got "shillelagh" right first try.

Huh. I was just reading a fic where Harry and Ron went home drunk after celebrating their graduation and their respective parental figures' reactions made me realize I'm not actually sure how most people would react to their drunken (but roughly of-age) children. I can't see my dad caring and I know my mom doesn't, as long as I'm not driving. But my family's weird; we "kids" have been allowed alcohol (in moderation) on holidays since the youngest of us, my brother, was fourteen, and I got a bottle of wine for Christmas when I was seventeen. Intended for my own blackberry wine cake, but still.

Um. I disgust myself, but I want some Harry/Rita Skeeter. Not a shippy story, but not noncon, either, just some filthy, filthy porn, where she takes horrible sexual advantage of a vulnerable teenage Harry, just absolutely enjoying taking control over the Great White Hope of the wizarding world and the best friend of the girl who blackmailed her all in one. Possibly he could even be a virgin. Possibly she could gleefully throw it in Hermione's face afterward. I don't know! It's just...vulnerable schoolboy/cynical older woman with a grudge seems like a really attractive dynamic for some reason.

I miss Dog-Eat-Dog. It was my favorite Inuyasha archive. It was where I first read Present Time; I have nostalgia! Also, I am never, ever going to be able to find that Sango/Sesshoumaru again without it.

Goddammit. So a few months ago, I found this Harry/Snape, Draco/Snape story and it had vampire!Snape and mate!Harry, but it was actually good. It was also a WiP. Just checked on it today and while, hey, no longer a WiP, anyone who tries to call it complete is a filthy, filthy liar. Because it ends with mysterious voices spiriting Harry away and giving him amnesia and everyone thinks he's dead. Y'all, that is bullshit. Normally, I'd go with it, but it's not really everyone thinks Harry's dead, it's everyone thinks they know Harry's dead; Snape was reacting like his mate was dead and the mysterious voices visited Draco in his dreams to tell him that Harry was in a "good place" and had loved him and Snape and would want them to be happy together. Plus, the voices' rationale - Harry always wanted to have a normal life! - makes me want to stab stuff because guess what Harry also always wanted? For people to stop thinking they could make his choices for him! Arrrrgh.

I love cold Earl Grey tea.

wow. your good story =/= my good story. "and there was war in heaven": genocide of wraith = atlantean nazis times 15 apparently, honest-to-god piles of dead babies, john and rodney's favorite movie is Shrek, the hell.

I heart TtH.

activation of Potentials in perpetuity as fannish trope

I love time travel! Well, okay, certain kinds of time travel. Bouncing around in the time stream like you're whitewater rafting, not so much, but one man traveling into his own past to save the future? Awesome. See: Harry Potter and the Nightmares of Futures Past, I Am What I Am, and the Journeyverse post-Sword of Life. Oh, and also The Future Is What We Make It, but that's not reccable; it's just something to curl up and be gleeful and ashamed over, what with the extremely self-indulgent h/c scenarios and the mpreg and the fivesome and the really horrifyingly purple sex scenes (no, really, see for yourself: Suctioning bottomholes, fluttering muscles were hungrily nipping....clenching around the pumping shafts that were thrusting faster and faster. Pumping deep within the sucking flesh...so close.

Only love....

Throbbing, tumescent organs pounded harder, faster into the spasming stretched holes as their lover's undulated faster on their thick rods.

....was all that mattered.

With a loud, bellowing shout of release Angel came, spewing thick cream all over Jennes' stroking hand. And involuntarily he stiffened, drawing a harsh scream of pleasure from Jennes who pumped one last time deep within the cool interior. His cock began spitting bullets of jism right at Angel's magic button, pulling a whimpering moan and a wiggle of joy from the vampire.

Hearing Angel cry out, Lourdey went over. Screwing himself down firmly on Xander's incredible organ, his body arching in a bow of delirious rapture and squeezing hungrily at the iron pole still within him as he overflowed into Taryn's heated mouth. And Xander gave one last thrust and moaned around the Taryn's thick cock, filling Lourdey's ass with his ball juice, prompting Taryn to release his own cream into the little father's honeyed mouth at the vibrations around his shaft.).

Wtf, "A.N: Before you start reading, let me just tell you that this is an AU story no magic! Secondly this story alike all my other stories will contain Mpreg..." How do you even swing that? You always need magic to explain mpreg! Magic, or aliens, or really advanced technology, or fine, in that one case, freaky genetics, but mostly, magic!

God, that's fucking irritating. Go to list a story and find no, can't, already used that, and with a much less appropriate prompt (Three Funerals and a Wedding = much more "Passion" than "Jealousy" because while yes, it's about Ginny's homicidal jealousy, it's also about Harry's passion for Draco and, y'know, bloody revenge). Christ! Fucking rules about not prompting a story twice. Also, I feel like an idiot because I just saw that I used a prompt twice on one list - Prompting to the Count of 50, if you're curious, which nobody is. I just wanted to vent. Also, I know it's not particularly interesting to anyone but me, and I don't want to be a bore, but I just want to babble about it sometimes because dude, it takes up a nice chunk of my time and I rather enjoy it. Like, using Snakeskin, a story about various Tok'ra, for the "In Your Head" prompt makes me giggle.

I heart Ron and Harry as best friends. I like the whole Trio thing, too, but come on! Thing he'd miss the most, his best friend, his roommate! So I'm not a fan of all the H/D or Snarry fics that bash Ron. It's an annoying trend. Ron blowing up about the relationship and pouting for a while, okay, but not complete shunning and a systematic villification of Harry, no.

So I'm reading Life As Experienced Through Your Fingers and it's really making me miss being in band. I was seriously crap, consistently last or next-to-last chair out of our 15 to 20 clarinets - we were a consistently top-heavy band, the woodwinds section was ridiculous - but how did I forget how much fun sight-reading was? And Haagen-whatever, god, that song nearly drove us to mutiny; it was ridiculously complex and fast and kept switching from 4/4 to 3/4 to 6/8 time and back and there were these slurred eighth-notes from low B to I think middle C that made me want to kill things. It was awesome! And we completely failed to pull it off in concert, but that was alright because I'm pretty sure when Mr. Strange left he put a curse on the band department as we never got better than a 3 afterwards.

There should be more stories where Harry is a herpetologist. Or a healer.

I want more stories featuring Kingsley Shacklebolt, "Big Black Sex Auror".

Hey, know what's creepy? Marrying a man old enough to be your father when you're seventeen. Why, people? You can't let them be together a few years first, at least until he's, you know, graduated. God, I shouldn't read Hogwarts Snarry. But Death Eater Takes a Holiday is so good! It lulled me into a horribly, horribly misplaced feeling of security. Although I should say that really, anyone marrying anyone at seventeen is a little horrible to me.

What the hell, more hermaphrodite!Harry. I have literally never seen this outside HP fandom but once, and that was in one of the most poorly written Buffy fics I've ever read. And oh my god, I'd almost managed to block that out, jesus, that was bad. Lured me onwards with interesting concept and then wham! Smack in the face with the most random characterisations ever. Giles is perfect and wonderful! Giles is an abusive villain! Giles is sorrowful and atoning! Giles trick you! He is villain! Oh wow, I've got that urge, you know, where you unexpectedly remember a fic and go wait, surely it wasn't that bad? So you want to read it again to check? Except wow, bad idea, because that story was too bad for me to finish more than two years ago, and I'm much more discerning now. And yet. Ha. Nobody does badfic like Buffy and HP do badfic.

Know what's currently topping my list of awesome? Day After Tomorrow crossovers/fusions.

Some things I love: amnesia, time travel, horribly self-indulgent h/c, and apparently, catpeople. Yeah, I didn't see that coming, either. I seem to be ridiculously enthused about catboi!Harry, though. Seriously, I want to read it a million times; I'd thought it was just that Hiss Me, Harry had mesmerised me somehow, but no, I just read another and like I said, I need a million more. It is now a Thing.

Dursley abuse is my favorite HP h/c set-up. I'm not a fan of the abusive SO conceit in any fandom, but especially not with HP. And the whole torture by Death Eaters thing is tricky; either there's no rescue and it's that death-would-be-a-mercy brand of dark fic, or there's a ludicrous escape/rescue that'll just itch at me. It can be done right, but it most often isn't. And I'm pretty skeptical about students being able to seriously harm each other at Hogwarts; there are surely magical precautions of some kind. But Dursley abuse is canon, and also there's often fun comeuppance for Dumbledore when people find out what he left Harry to deal with. Dude! Dumbledore basically kidnapped Harry and then placed him with people he knew wouldn't want him; otherwise, why the basket on the doorstep shenanigans? There should totally be a fic where his detractors bring that up, because it is impossible to argue. "For the best" my ass, old man, you had no legal authority to make decisions on behalf of somebody else's baby. Plus, if James and Lily didn't have some kind of chain of custody in place for that child, they were morons; they, and their closest friends, were at the center of a war!

I always feel kind of bad for characters who, for one reason or another, can't die. Like, Harry Potter. The prophecy says that he's the only one who can kill Voldemort; therefore, no matter what happens to him, he has to do his best to live. That just seems so horrible. If he was captured and tortured, he'd have to do his best to survive it or know that most everyone he cares for will, at best, be killed quickly. Then there's Claire Bennet, or Wolverine, or Clark Kent, or basically anyone that is, practically speaking, indestructible. It just seems so...they can't scar and they can't die and they have to keep on going through the damage like it doesn't matter and they don't ever get to lay down and be done. And everyone acts like it's a gift, like the way their bodies forget means their minds do, too, like Claire's not going to wake up at night remembering how raditation peeled her skin from her bones. It's not fair.

I was just reading an H/R fic when I realized how rare it is for Harry to not be the one to get knocked up. You see it sometimes in H/D and well, there's that one threesome story where he impregnates Draco and Snape at the same time that I'm still working up the courage to read, but mostly, no matter who he's with, it's Harry that ends up pregnant. God, I read too much mpreg.

So, there are three epic-length HP stories I'm reallly in love with right now - not counting the Sacrifices Arc. Vorabiza's Secrets is a rock-awesome post-HBP Harry/Draco novel that has Harry really taking his place as the leader of the light. Yeah, there are some less-then-stellar scenes, but on the whole, I love this fic (which is, in my opinion, the author's best, even if Malfoy Flavor, Malfoy Child, and Lockdown all get recced more). Death Eater Takes a Holiday is my FAVORITE. A Harry/Snape story where they wait (once they're in their right minds) until he graduates to get physical! Why aren't there more? It makes the whole thing so much less creepy. Also, there's hurt/comfort and battle training, both of which I love. Plus, yay for the age regression at the beginning. And also for the PTSD and the date nights and basically everything about the Trio's friendship ever. Harry Potter and the Nightmares of Futures Past is the only good Harry/Ginny novel I've ever read. I don't even like H/G, but this story makes me buy it, possibly because it starts on Harry's side this time and he's my favorite and I am therefore predisposed to want him to have what he wants. But I like this Ginny, too, which is unusual for me, because usually a Ginny crushing (fixated!) on Harry creeps me out. Actually, nothing about my liking this fic is usual for me; it has extremely villainous Snape and Draco, it's a het pairing I despise...Yet I love it. It's like Viridian has some sort of mesmeric effect on me, it's very bizarre. Anyway, the plot has one of my favorite conceits ever: Our Hero goes back in time to save the lives of those he loves!

So, of my top five het pairings - Xander/Faith, Harry/Hermione, Simon/River, Wes/Lilah, Rodney/Teyla - only one of them can really be called a canon couple and even that relationship didn't exactly get respect. Most of the others fly directly in the face of couples explicitly favored by canon. At this point I have to wonder if a little bit of my fondness for UC ships isn't just contrariness.

It says something about the archives I'm currently trolling that even though I'm reading solely from the Tops lists and people's favorites that I've given up hoping for "good" and have fallen to praying for just "not horrifying".

Well. That's teach me to go against my instincts. I thought hmmm, vampire!Victor meets and fixates on nine-year-old Harry and then comes for him in fourth year, sounds like it'll be crappy, but I'll try it, 'cause some Harry/Viktor sounds good. Oh my god. First off, vampire!Victor is three hundred years old, which is ludicrous, and he comes to Hogwarts not with Durmstrang, but as a teacher, which is all kinds of wrong right there. But oh-oh! She's not done! Every time we see Victor - well, really, both times, because after the Welcoming Feast, I clicked the hell out - he's dressed like a club kid. Vampire professor in leather shorts, fishnets, and black make-up. What the fuck are you even thinking with that. Nobody even gets to wear pants at Hogwarts and you're going to put leather shorts on a professor. There are not words.

Dude, of all the fangirls I know in real life, I'm the only one who doesn't find the parent/child incest hot.

Okay, I am ridiculously willing to believe in the true love of mortal enemies if there's even the semblance of a reason. But no, "But he's so hot!" does not count!

So I've decided that I enjoy good, great, and bad fics. What get to me are the mediocre fics. And, y'know, the fics that are so bad they make you wish you were illiterate just so you could have avoided soiling your eyes. And I just read one of the most appalling and mediocre fics ever. It has siren!Harry as the mate of elf!Lucius and vamp!Snape and he is, understandably, Not Pleased with this turn of events, especially as it comes attached to a prophecy. And yet everyone - even Hermione! - insists on treating his feelings as nonsensical because it's meant to be! He should be totally fine with the idea and their behavior, which includes breaking into his private room and at one point, having sex with each other in his shower because they're in a pre-existing relationship and also apparently completely unburdened by modesty or basic understanding of polite behavior! Then all is apparently roses because they kidnapped him and tied him up and had sex with him and now they're all instantly in love. Jesus FREAKING Christ!

So I've been writing and reading a lot of recs lately and really, what I need and want are some anti-recs. I want it not to be such an unforgivably rude thing to publicly call a story out as badly written or poorly plotted or just overhyped. Because see, I get that what one person enjoys, another may not, whatever, that's not the issue. I'm not sitting here thinking anyone was trying to mislead me by reccing something they didn't honestly enjoy. But the lack of balance can be a bit much. Twenty people will rec a story unreservedly and not a one will rec it with a caveat mentioning that "oh, and btw, English isn't the author's first language, so she can have some tense issues". Let alone a caveat like the one I'd stick on Better Than Revenge, mentioning the alternating but simultaneous POVs (if someone knows a better way of describing that, I'd appreciate knowing it) and the discontinuity between two of the sex scenes (first Gobstones game final forfeit vs. Harry's birthday fuck). I liked the story! But it had flaws and dammit, that's okay to say.

Jensen Ackles is the prettiest. He is just about everything I find attractive all bundled into one man, with the lips and the eyes and the grin and the freckles, oh, the freckles.

Random note? I just heard an English person speak in real life for what I'm pretty sure was the first time ever, because nobody moves to Oklahoma ("I come from a land of rain. I think a nice change would be to live in a land of DROUGHT and TORNADOES." Yeah, no.).

I love sci-fi. I just started reading this book and I'm just looking at the aliens' military leader and going, "you poor man". His boss is kind of a moron, he encountered unprecedented resistance to his planetary invasion, and oh yeah, the planet may be officially pacified, but the damn humans are still setting his people on fire every chance they get. And see, that's the thing with alien invaders; they always think it's just a rough patch. What they don't realize is, humans are crazy. They don't need to hope they can overthrow you; they'll burn your shit down just for spite. For, like, generations. Also, ahaha, guerilla fighting, my favorite tactic ever. Yay for my Revolutionary forefathers for being all "you want us to line up in an open field and just hope to not get dead? fuck, I'ma be in those trees over there, shooting people who can't shoot me back."

You know, when Harry kills Voldemort, pretty much the whole world's going to owe him. And I want to read some fics where he's encouraged to take filthy, filthy advantage of that. Not dark!Harry fics, just. If he wanted to legalize poly-marriage or requisition some Death Eater's mansion or, I don't know, walk up to Scrimgeour and punch him in the face, he could probably swing it, if he picked his moment. Or he could do something like some kind of pre-Hogwarts for Muggleborns, which I've seen a few times.

Oh, fanfiction. You hear about the healing penis cliche so often, but I never saw it, and then I did, and really, I can't help but find it hilarious.

Oh my god, what the fuck, assbaby that's actually a THROATBABY, most disturbing labor ever. Worse even than Daniel/Meret birthing Go'auld! God, fandom is so crazy. I feel all nauseated. Although ahaha, Clark's "love me!" pheremones. ETA: OMG, different story, same author, another throatbaby, WTF, WTF.

Okay, yeah, NO. We warn for castration fic, people!

When I think about favorite fandoms/pairings, it can be hard to distinguish between what I read the most and what I feel the most affection for.

God, just looking at the warnings I've been slapping on my list-set is getting weird. And for the first time, I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a couple of things in capslock, because it is zero fun to accidentally stumble into a rape recovery/castration fic. No warnings in the header of that one! At all! After the shit I have accidentally read today? Totally sympathizing more with those people who're always bitching about warnings. Usually I'm all hand-wavy about it, author's discretion, blah blah, but good lord, I just read an mpreg story where the baby got vomited up, an OT4-baby fic that killed Ronon, and oh yeah, the one with raped Teyla and castrated John and their helpless boyfriend Rodney. FUN. I'm reccing it, 'cause it was well-written, but I was in the mood for hot sexy threesome and bam! Smack in the face!

I want fic for Stay Alive because 1) Samaire is hot, 2) Sophia is hotter, and 3) Hutch has mad women-issues; seriously, the whole angst re: failing to save his his mom and then October and then he saves Abigail and immediately starts to make out with her. Also I want threesome fic with the last three standing, about them all shacked up in a house surrounded by roses. And then possibly also a fic where they decide to see about raising their own dead, now that they know it's possibe.

Smallville mpreg is the weirdest of all mpreg. There's the horrifying throatbaby in Rich Man's Darling and then Lana gets Clark pregnant in Ripley, Believe It or Not (which leads to a whole marsupial thing, which is kind of awesome) and then there's the pseudo-egg thing in Family, Friendship, and Love.

Know what I've never seen, but really want to read right now? Clark and Lex bonding over their crazy wannabe-overlord fathers. Come on! Lionel = Jor-El. Just post-Helen, I want Clark to confide in Lex about the whole "oh yeah, my bio-dad wants me to take over the world" thing because no one will get it like Lex.

Hey! You can't be awarded a Nobel posthumously!

It's kinda funny how many different ways you remember one story. Like I've thought of Pyrrhic as, variously, the creepy incest epic, the one where Hope and Mercy are robots, the one with the strategic gangrape, "WTF, brainwashing", and the fic featuring the Justice League of Asshats.

I am so much pickier about the het I read. Unless, you know, it involves Xander. But generally, slash badfic makes me giggle, het badfic makes me want to stab someone with a pen.

CAPSLOCK!Harry = bearable only in small doses. Stroppy!Harry = kind of fun.

Ever had one of those moments where you're reading a story and go "Gawd, how did I forget how awesome this was?" and then remember, oh, yeah, totally knew it was awesome, hence the re-reading, it's just one of those stories too awesome to be believed? Just did that with the Father Goose Tales (so many bizarre and wonderful things - the SVU, Alias, and Gilmore Girls crossovers, Dawn vs. the SGC, the Faith and Xander impersonators...) and I realized there was a pattern to that type of reaction. It's not something I do with stories that are (just) well-written, it's something I do with stories that hit my kinks like something out of a dream - hence the memory fuzzing. So it's stories like Retrograde, and New All Over, and the Sacrifices Arc, and, like I said, the Father Goose Tales; also, huh, those stories are all from what I think of as my primary fandoms: SGA, BtVS, HP, and crossovers.

Another of the awesome things about fanfiction? The way some authors can just bust crap out and all of a sudden make me understand the crazy hardcore shippers you hear the horror stories about, because that's what they made me feel, if only for a minute. Like, litmouse in Father Goose and the Black Knight: “Three things. One, you have to promise not to run out when I fuck up,“ Harris had said. “Sooner or later I’m gonna piss you off, do something that makes you think I’m treating you like one of the girls. You can call me on it, but you gotta promise not to run off the first time I make you mad. You have to stay and fight, and by fight I mean argue in completely non-violent way.”

“Stay and fight, got it.”

“You have to stop holding up demon bars for protection money. I won’t have evil thinking I owe them something.”

“Life of poverty, check.”

“The girls still come first. Maybe I put you first, but WE put the girls first, you got me?”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way. My turn?”

“Go.”

“You don’t tell me what clothes to wear, you don’t tell me to lay off the rum and the stogies, you don’t tell me to be nice. All of me or none, right?”

Harris held out his hand, “Deal.”

“Deal.” And they shook. Faith thought it was the most romantic moment of her life. Or Maya in Underwater Light:

"Look, I don't want to - at a time like this, I know you're confused-"


Harry was confused, furious and restless and lost because Draco was so close. Draco's breath was coming fast against his cheek, and he felt like his heartstrings were doubled up, tangled in his chest. He wanted to push Draco up harder against the glass and do - something, anything, then go out and kill something, fix something, and come back to Draco and rest.


"You're the one who's confused," Draco snapped at him. "Do you remember what we were talking about last time on the train - about us - about what you wanted?"


Harry's fingers were locked over the back of Draco's hand, pressed against the slick cold glass of the window. He looked at Draco, who looked sullen and awkward, and he thought of all the things in the world worth killing to protect, worth dying for. The grey shape of Hogwarts looming in the distance like home. Sirius doing his best and failing, Hermione looking up from a book and smiling at him, Ron at eleven years old with a grubby nose.


"Yeah," he said.


"Chances are good we're going to die soon," Draco told him, thoughtfully. "Even I can't let you down in the amount of time we have-"


"Just because you think we're going to die - you know you don't have to do anything you-"


"Harry, shut up!"


Harry stared at his sharp, wilful face, and thought of all the things worth killing for in the world.


And this, he thought. And you.
Just little moments that make you go that's why, why not gen, why this ship, why fanfiction.

Wow. I was just slapping a "seriously underaged sex" warning on a list for this one JuC story (14 seduces 18) and totally realized how weird it is that I'm all emphatic with this warning and yet never thought about putting similar warnings on Smallville stories that feature 15 Clark and 22/23 Lex. I'm totally blaming the fact that wee!Justin was, and looked, wee, while theoretically-wee!Clark looked like he was about twenty. Still, way to be consistent, self.

So, I accidentally saved a sequel I didn't know was a sequel and decided to read it anyway and it's cool and all but I think it's in SPACE. And there was something about being on the lam and all I can think is Pete and Patrick are SPACE PIRATES.

So apparently? Ryan Ross is the dirtiest pushiest bottom in all of bandom? It's all comeshots and gangbangs, yo.

PATRICK DEFLOWERING PETE. That is ridiculously hot and I DON'T KNOW WHY.

Current insult of choice: motard. Mostly because I rewatched Titus (the episode where Erin gets put in a sack) and finally figured out motard = moron/retard. Also, fun to say.

Motherfucker. I spend a billion years (fine, two months, same difference) trying to find a story for Kiss, I finally find one and move on and now, now, in the space of three days, I have found five stories for that goddamn prompt. Apparently, I was looking in all the wrong fandoms. Next time I'll know to go straight to bandom, because those girls are all about the making out. Often under the influence, often with lots of different boys. Which, awesome, but I kind of feel like the universe is mocking me.