Shut Up, and Let Me See Your Jazz Hands

I'll admit it. Yes, sometimes my grammar is questionable, but! But! I realize I'm doing it! If only because my best friend is inordinately fond of mocking everything I do, think, and say. And I would never do that in a piece of fiction.

Anyway. I meant to have this up right after the other two, but then my computer ran mad (as it does) and I lost the ability to right-click. Which I tend to find necessary to cutting-and-pasting. So.

( In Which I Go Argh. A Lot. )

I have too much trivia in my head. Not the vaguely interesting trivia, such as the dirty, dirty origins of the phrase hunky-dory (two words: Japanese whores).

No, this is trivia for worlds that don't exist.

Few entries ago, I mentioned Bad Crossover Idea #172, Atlantis gets a kestra'chern. I haven't read that series in forever. But I still remember how to spell Mercedes Lackey's over-apostrophized, made-up language. Okay, made-up language family, because there's Kaled'a'in, Shin'a'in, and Tayledras. I even remember the weirdly related words for gay! In Valdemaran, it's shaych, and in Tayledras, it's shay'a'chern, and I always thought there was some kind of link there.

I don't need to know that.

Nor do I need to remember the various X5 designations of the Dark Angel characters, yet I do.

God, that was a cool show. I am a sucker for post-apocalyptic 'verses.

Oh! Fangirl Japanese. And fangirl Mandarin. And fangirl French, and oh, mustn't forget fangirl Latin. And then there are the various created slangs, and the actual British slang, and the military parlance, and the medical terminology, and the acronyms. And then there's actual fangirl-ese, because you know what? "Woobie" and "hoyay" are not, in point of actual fact, English.

But, if you want to read and understand fic in my various fandoms, you have to learn all of these.

I'm pretty sure this is why I can't remember higher-level math. Brains have a finite capacity, right?

I'm psychotic.

Why? Why do I do this? It just makes me look (and really, feel) crazy.

One minute, I'm sitting here, reading, and all is right with the world. The next, I'm *ranting* to myself out *loud* because apparently, I'm the only one in the *world* who payed attention in class the day they taught us about neither and either.

People, please. It's always either/or and neither/nor.

Never, ever should it be neither/or.

Unless Mr. Huston led me terribly astray, and I trust him. You can't *not* trust a man with a Shakespeare action figure.

At least I'm not all gobsmacked that people don't know this one, unlike the derring-do thing. And really! Derring-do! How do people not know that word? How do you read and not learn that word? It's awesome! It has piratical connotations!

English isn't a phonetic language and people should stop writing like it is. I don't care what crap they fed you about "sounding it out" in elementary school. Just stop it.

On a different, less grammar-nazi-ish note, I love Grey's Anatomy. It's the show that makes me ship het. Okay, I also wist for Cristina/Meredith and Alex/George (because George is my *favorite* and he gets *no* love). But I genuinely enjoy Cristina/Burke! And Alex/Izzy (I have no idea how to spell her name)!

And I would not be averse to some Meredith/George (again, *no* love...except for the slutty nurse love that gave him syphilis, and *really*).

And what I would really, really not be averse to? Some Meredith/Addison/McDreamy. And I can't believe I just typed "McDreamy" but I cannot at this moment recall his first name and my hands just automatically spell all forms of the surname Sheppard as "Sheppard" and that is a crossover that can come to no good end.

'Nother crossover one would assume could come to no good end? House/DCU.

And yet I have read *multiple* stories and so far? All good. Not necessarily all good *ends* (they're all too damn short for my tastes). But they make an incredibly cracked out kind of sense and I want to see more of them.

Of course, if I got what I wanted, I would at this very moment have some Brennan/Angela femslash.

Know what I kinda wish I could do? Participate in all those fandom secret santa projects. Not, y'know, *all* all, but one or two of the many. But I'm a lurker; it'd feel like cheating.

Well, okay, until about a month ago I was strictly a lurker. Now I actually post feedback. But still, I refuse to be all parasitic. Though I wanted to do Yuletide.

Yuletide I could have done and felt all virtuous, 'cause if you want to talk rare fandoms... I was willing to give Barrayar fic a shot!

Sadly, this year you need credentials to participate. And I have none. So I'll have to do it next year.

One thing that sucks? All of the books my favorite authors are coming out with? Aren't going to be out in time for Christmas. They all come out in February, June, and July. Really, like six upcoming books I want, and none of them'll be out in time to make the list.

And I have *traditions* to uphold. Every year, I ask for new books, old, hard-to-find books, CDs, and lately, DVDs. Oh, and I ask Grandma for bath products 'cause she always picks the best-smelling stuff I'd never think to try (mmm, Black Raspberry Vanilla).

And I've got a running list of old, hard-to-find books (with some items dating back *six* years). And I've got CDs and DVDs I want. But the "new books" part of the list is looking awfully skimpy. Skimpy as in nonexistent.

I want Tanya Huff and Jim Butcher and James Alan Gardner and Laurell K. Hamilton and Kim Harrison and Wen Spencer and Charlaine Harris and oh my god, I want Lorna Freeman like nothing in my *life* because Covenants is the best book *ever* and it was her first and there's a sequel and it's not coming out 'til *February*.

But to recap: I would be willing to sell, say, a kidney to get new books by: 1) Lorna Freeman, 2) Tanya Huff, and 3) Jim Butcher. And I know about five people who'd be willing to sell *me* their kidneys for the next LKH (and I'm the one who got them *all* hooked, ha!).

I *would* have a book to put on the list, but I'm getting Richard the new Terry Pratchett, because I traditionally give him books (shut up, he likes to read, too, just...not as much; it's books or games, and while books may seem like the cheap-ass option, I consistently spend more on him than he does on me).

So. I am not always the selfish whore I appear to be; I'm letting Richard have the gift we'd both want.

Also, as a final note, I'd like to apologize to Alyssa for ruining her life with my mad recc'ing skills. And also, ha! Feel my pain! The pain of irresistible literature!

Again, I'm *sorry*. Mostly.