As I've said, I've set myself to reading things I don't, actually, want to read. Because I find them creepy. But I am making a list.
Oh, and I was thinking, and I think it's the fact that I've never seen necrophilia presented as a serious fetish that makes it not an autosquick; mostly, in my brain, necrophilia = parody.
Anyway. I can't seem to find a threesome I find squicksome on its own grounds. Like, I won't read Lucius/Draco/Snape, but I'm not interested in any of the contained pairs and I don't read Draco/not!Harry the same way I don't read John/not!Rodney. Buffy fandom made me love the illogical threesomes! It is totally not my fault. I...apparently want to read Tony/Abby/McGee? And wow, Tony/Ziva/Gibbs would be awesome
, especially post-ep discipline fic for that one with the Korean spy!wife. Oh god, why has no one written that? Or maybe someone has, in which case, I must have it
This exercise is surprisingly interesting. I now yearn for pairings/groupings I never contemplated. Like Tony/Jen. And Tony/Gibbs/Jen. Because after Gibbs fucks off to Mexico, Tony and Jen work together more and then they have friend- and/or commiseration-sex and get all close and then Gibbs comes back and is Displeased, because Gibbs is a possessive bastard and then 1) Gibbs stews for a while before Tony and Jen take pity and include him for hot and playful threesome sex or 2) Tony and/or Jen suggests Scenario 1, their lover is jealous because this was supposed to be a relationship based on more than a common bastard, there is Angst on the part of the lovers and
Angst on the part of Gibbs (his return has made the people he loves miserable!), and then there is some drinking and the jealous lover seeks solace in Gibbs' arms, jealousy all 'round, misunderstandings, more sex and alcohol, some confessions, and finally, happy athletic threesome sex or 3) Gibbs decides to make Amends for running off by slowly and diabolically seducing the pair into his bed, as
a pair, and then there is much porn or 4) Gibbs goes all masterful and convinces the two to join him for scorching threesome bondage-sex and then just...keeps them. And apparently I'm not getting off this fantasy-story tangent and should just give up and what I planned to say. Ah, well.
I think I could maybe go for some Zack/Hodgins/Angela. Hodgins' crush on Angela seems obvious enough, and if you combine that with Zack living with him and Zack's obvious affection and respect for Angela, I'm sure many nifty things could happen. Like, Zack and Angela date, or Zack and Angela have a nonromantic sexual affair, whatever, and Hodgins realizes he is, in fact, jealous of both
of them. This makes him hostile, which confuses Zack and angers Angela. Eventually it erupts into a confrontation in the lab in which Hodgins grabs Zack and kisses him in front of God, Angela, and everybody. Angela finds boykissing hot and is saucily delighted. Threeway dating, possibly the kept boy thing crops up (story of my HEART, why will no one write it?), happy ending with sex for all! Very good sex, because I bet Angela's wicked
in the sack and mmmm, Zack and his incredibly long fingers and his perfectionism.
And I would not say no to Brennan/Booth/Angela. What with Brennan/Angela being my favorite
, and Brennan/Booth being the show
's favorite, and Angela canonically digging Booth.
Lalala, what else. Oooh, Firefly, with the practically-canonical bizarre threesome of Simon/River/Kaylee, which is always fun. As is Jayne/Simon/Mal, which I adore. But you know what I want to see. More Simon/Zoe/Wash. And mmmmm, Simon/Inara/Mal, which I've never seen and am now keenly interested in, because those would be some interesting
dynamics, with Mal's jealousy and Simon's uptightness and Inara's determination to remain emotionally uninvolved. Oh, she could seduce them both, planning on leaving them paired together because she can't keep Mal dangling after her, temptation and torment both, and then finding herself completely unable to untangle herself, because Simon loves hard
, harder than is sane or rational or proper, and it's impossible to walk away from that depth or fierceness of feeling, and Mal, when has she ever
been able to resist Mal as much as she means to? And it's infinitely harder now, when instead of calling her a whore, he just gives her these slow grins like he sees right through Companion Serra, and she eventually has to throw up half-baffled hands in resignation and content herself with two gorgeous steady lovers and a life and family unlike anything she ever planned.
And now is when I again long for Buffy Summers threesomes. I want more Buffy/Willow/Xander, and Buffy/Wesley/Angel, and Buffy/Wesley/Faith (especially in the Wishverse!), and Buffy/Ethan/Giles, and Buffy/Xander/Faith (OT3! shut up, wins at life
!), and Buffy/Darla/Angel (just once! I want to read it once
! preferably with angry pregnant Darla because oh, the shenanigans my mind is hinting at), and Buffy/Xander/Spike (Buffy-never-died AU, or there's the horribly angsty Buffy-uses-them-both
-for-sex story, where they find out about each other and there's hostility and shame, but she manipulates them into simultaneously bedding her and gradually the men grow closer and end up forcing Buffy into an epiphany and then there is a long road to a more healthy relationship and dammit, no one's ever
gonna do that one). And then there's the Buffy/Xander/Dawn where, a couple-few years post-Chosen, a mysterious Something happens to Xander in Africa and he ends up with near-total amnesia and the only personal information he retains are a few scattered memories of Dawn. He's sent to Rome to convalesce and finds himself attached quite firmly to Dawn, but also oddly drawn to her vibrant older sister. Blah blah, angst, magical shenanigans, eventually, threesome, and Xander later regains his memory but remains quite happy with his new situation - he always has had a weakness for Summers women. Oh, and I've read one Xander/Willow/Cordy fic and am quite convinced there should be more.
I believe I've bitched before about the lack of post-enzyme Rodney/Ronon/Teyla? I mean there's Sweat
, but I want more, and bigger, because I'm interested. And speaking of things I've seen only once, I wouldn't be averse to more Teyla/Elizabeth/Rodney. Or hell, Teyla/Elizabeth/Ronon
. And then I have this whole post I keep meaning to type up about girl!Rodney having sex with Cadman and Ronon, maybe separately, maybe both at once. Oh! Rodney/Cadman/Vala
! Oh, man, that would amuse me endlessly
; someone should totally do that. Hmmm, Teyla/Elizabeth/Kate as just a regular tension relief kind of thing. Or hee, Teyla/Elizabeth/Zelenka as told by an outside observer would win.
And oh, how I used to long for Meredith/Izzie/George. Or George/Izzie/Alex. Now, though, I turn my yearning toward Burke/Cristina/George, because all three of them WIN. Come on, you know you want it. Because 1) Burke could totally date two interns and get away with it, 2) George is adorable, deserves mad amounts of sex, and has a giant (and totally requited) man-crush on Burke, and 3) competitive!Cristina is hot like burning - Cristina turns everything into a competition - any threesome involving Cristina automatically doubles its hot-like-burning quotient. I mean, I like Callie and all, but it'd be kind of awesome if she went crazy on George and Burke comforted him and there were Feelings and George immediately chose the avoidance/denial route and Burke was wounded and Cristina tried to fix it and weaseled out of George why he needed some time and being simultaneously pleased at having such an awesome boyfriend that he turned George gay and pissed because hey! her boyfriend! Then Burke gets it out of her
and admits that he, too, has the Feelings, but he loves Cristina and is committed to her, and George is right, maybe they should just take some time... And then Cristina brings George home and is very matter-of-fact about how at least George isn't another girl, as she's not fucked-up enough to be either the Addison or
the Meredith in this situation and also, she's the best girlfriend ever and she hopes Burke realizes that this means she gets to win every argument, ever, right on down as to whether people who run recreationally are, in fact, deficient. So there.
And finally, I want a post-HBP fic that starts Harry/Luna and ends Harry/Luna/Draco. I want it set before the defeat of Voldemort; I want it to be a goodly distance from the end of HBP; I want Draco to be miserable, confused, horribly disadvantaged, and with a massive crush on Harry; and I want Luna to convince Harry to give Draco a chance to prove himself. There would be lust and distrust and anger, confusion and grudging acceptance and growing attachment, angst and love and thrilling heroics. It would be awesome
, bitches, and I shall leave you to contemplate that.
Okay, I lie, but only because I just realized I also want Harry/Luna/Ron. And possibly Harry/Luna/Neville. I'm already an established fan of Harry/Ginny/Luna and I've got some Harry/Luna/Hermione queued up to read tomorrow. Basically? Luna wins at threesomes and hey, maybe I could go for some Ginny/Luna/Neville...
Anyway! Some H/G/L for you: Count the WayA Progression of Third WheelsCravings and CompulsionsSeverus Snape and the Dubious DutyTrue Moon
and The Opposite of an EclipseETA:
Took me two day to realize hey, I never did finish typing that. So, you may have briefly seen the incomplete version on the 18th. Anyway. Have some music! The B for Brontosaurus website, with four songs for free download
. Who Will Sail My Ship Ashore? has always struck me a threesome-y song, and I am currently infatuated with Soda Pop Rock.
Also? On that H/L/Hr story? Author ended it with a reset and prophecy of doom. Bitch freaking move.